Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and said, "you're different"? Then you try to decipher if that's a good or bad thing.
January becomes the month of real self-realization. Not like when you're drunk, really depressed, or feeling like the world is out to get you. January is the month of resolutions and trying to make something into a habit, which brings your personality into question. Who am I and how do I come across to others? Is this something that will improve my relationships or my whole emotional state? I've already come across multiple friends who state they are trying to become better people this year. So it brings up the question: Did I like who I was last year?
I recently discovered that I'm different. I'm not the chubby-round face teenager I used to be. While I still have a round face, I've grown into my features. I've started to love how I look with and without makeup. I wear what I want to accentuate my features.
When I left WWU, I felt as though I became more attractive, because out in the secular world I found men complimenting me and giving the usual lines. During school, I was rarely flirted with and never asked out on a date, so I didn't think about their comments being sexist or insulting. I enjoyed being noticed and became more confident in my appearance. If the cooks at work still flirted with me while I had food everywhere, I realized that clothes weren't factors in getting noticed.
Last year I had a difficult year. It felt as though every time I made a decision, even if it was to stand still, I would be hit with a bag of bricks. There were times I loved myself and there were times I hated who I was. You find yourself in situations, thinking that how you react is the best possible way, later, when it blows up in your face, it probably wasn't the best plan of action, however it got to a result that was needed.
As most of my friends know, I'm very compulsive with actions and feelings. I'm a hot head but that doesn't mean I don't think through things. What some people don't realize is I go through the rational options before choosing an extreme. So it makes me think, is that on me or them? Am I showing them the best of who I am or are they just choosing to see bits and pieces and make me into who they want to see?
As we have found with the recent election, not everyone is who we expect them to be. If you stop trying to put people into boxes, including yourself, you start to realize who is toxic to your life and who isn't. However, it's important to not make any rash decisions and completely cut ties when you're in a real bad place. Sometimes when you're in a bad place, you don't see the good people.
If you want to have a successful year, you have to start with yourself. Day by day; going over what you like about yourself, what you don't like. This is your life, not anyone else's, so it's important to notice what you like for yourself. Don't finish that book if you don't like. Don't watch the newest Marvel show just because you want to be included in conversations. If you don't like it, don't do it to please others. Then take a look at who is in your life. Are they influencing you to be the best person that you can be? Have they been there when you needed them the most?
Self-love is so important. It'll be hard to let go of people so important in your life, but you have to take a leap of faith that in the long run you'll be happier.
