Spoiler Alert: Straight, White Men Aren't The Root Of All Your Problems

WARNING, THIS CONTAINS PROFANITY.

Recently, I had the pleasure of watching MTV’s “Dear White Guys.” It was a really pathetic attempt to be funny while being unabashedly racist/sexist against white dudes.

1. “Try to recognize that America was never ‘great’ for anyone who wasn’t a white guy.”

AMERICA HAS ALWAYS BEEN GREAT. Our history is messy, no doubt. However, those problems weren’t unique to America. Racism and sexism were a major problem everywhere. But we have overcome so much TOGETHER. We are breaking barriers TOGETHER. America isn’t the sum of everything that’s ever been wrong. We're stronger because of our history. America is the fighting spirit of her people — It’s the idea of freedom that we fought for and still fight for. You and I and the godawful white guys.

2. “Can we all agree that Black Lives Matter isn’t the opposite of All Lives Matter? Black lives just matter.”

Hell yeah, black lives matter... But I will never support any movement that incites or encourages violence against our police — that's domestic terrorism and I will not support it. Yes, we need criminal justice reform. I’ve seen the racism y’all are talking about and it sickens me, too. This is ridiculous. Black lives matter, and I support you. Killing cops and violent protests aren’t the answers.

3. “Blue Lives Matter isn’t a thing.“

Listen here, you smug little a$$hole. Yes, they do. They do matter. Police are people and they deal with the ugliest aspects of society. They deserve our respect and THEIR LIVES MATTER. Police are being targeted. That’s not okay. They’re supposed to protect and serve. They aren’t perfect, but when something goes bump in the night, I want the police to come to my rescue without them fearing I might harm them. If you’ve ever loved a police officer, you know their lives matter. You know the fear you carry with you every day that you might lose them. It’s terrifying. Blue lives matter.

There’s a young man from my hometown whose dream was to be a deputy like his dad. Before starting in the academy, he trained. He exercised like a maniac. He studied every piece of literature the police academy gave him. He aced every test he was given. About a year ago, he graduated from the academy and is now fulfilling his childhood dream — to protect and serve. He and his father don’t deserve the hate that BLM directs at law enforcement.

In high school, I was a trainwreck. 100 percent trainwreck. I made a bad choice, and my friends weren’t really "friends" at all. The school resource officer is one of the reasons I’m where I am right now. He had my back when no one else did.

I’ll gladly take Twitter trolls’ hate for standing up for these men. It truly pales in comparison to what people in uniform do every day. They deserve our respect and our support, not a dismissal from MTV's special snowflakes.

4. “Cops weren’t born with blue skin, right?!?!”

Save yourself the embarrassment. You’re about as funny as I am. At least I acknowledge the fact I’m not all that funny. You just go on like you’re actually funny. None of this was funny. At all.

5. ”Stop bragging about being 'woke.'” x2

I feel like the ones “bragging” about being "woke" are trying to help, and y’all are just shooting them down. It’s like they want to sit with you at lunch but they aren’t cool enough.

6. “Learn what mansplaining is... and stop doing it.”

YOU CONDESCENDING, MEAN, ANGRY LADY. You’re over there lamenting about men being condescending and “mansplaining” and here you are using this godawful condescending tone. It's hypocritical. That tone is worse than the one y’all complain about Tomi Lahren using. If we’re being honest, the only guys who "mansplain" are the rude ones. They’re like that to everyone. It’s not just aimed at women, but, unfortunately, we take the brunt of it because they think they can get away with it.

7. “Oh, and if you’re a judge, don’t prioritize the well-being of an athlete over the woman he assaulted.”

OK, I don’t like you, but you’re right. That was a grade-A mess. I hope that little creep never gets laid and lives the rest of his life in agonizing sexual frustration.

8. “We all love Beyoncé and yeah, she’s black, so of course she cares about black issues. I’m talking to you, Fox News.”

Just stop, please. Don’t bring Beyoncé into your mediocre video.

9. “Feel free to take Kanye West, though. You guys can have him” and “You know what you did, Kanye.”

The dude shook hands with President-elect Trump. God forbid he shakes hands with our 45th President.

10. “No one who has black friends says they have black friends.”

I was not aware this was an issue. Okay, so color-blind racism is bad, but saying you have friends who are black is bad, too. It’s like saying, “yeah, I have friends who come from different backgrounds and experiences than I do, but none of that matters because we enjoy each other as humans and appreciate the diversity we bring into each other’s life.” Diversity makes you a well-rounded person.

11. “And just because you have friends doesn’t mean you’re not racist.”

He has a point. It’s like saying you’re not sexist because you have a mom.

It sounds to me like y’all want equality at the expense of white men, and that’s not okay.Y’all wouldn’t know your own rear ends from a hole in the ground if that’s your idea of equality. I highly recommend MTV gets back to playing music videos and "Beavis and Butthead."