We all have that one person in our lives that we know is toxic for us, but for some reason we just can't seem to let them go. The guy you can't let go of is most likely the person you're texting at 2 a.m. to ask if they're still awake, even though you know they probably won't respond. This guy has probably been in your life for some time, but you hardly ever talk to him, let alone see him in person. You think there is a chance that he will finally realize how perfect you are for him, and he'll come running back to you à la "When Harry Met Sally." Then, you hold out on dating anyone, maybe even flirting, just because you believe that you are still attached to him. Although there are various times when you think that you've finally cut him out of your life, something in the back of your head tells you that it's not over.
The boy you can't let go of is probably someone who used to be your best friend or a boyfriend. You used to be close to that guy and probably thought it was something special. But then you wake up one day and, poof, he was gone. He's gone in a blink of an eye without any explanation and suddenly you question whether or not your relationship was something real or if it was just pretend. Your heart aches and you try everything to hold on to what remains. Your Spotify playlist becomes a mix of weepy and angry love songs, which just escalates your pain. Tori Kelly's "Should've Been Us" is played on repeat. Then, you just want answers. You want to know what happened and why you're being ghosted by him. You text him, snapchat him, Facebook message him, and maybe even try to FaceTime him. You don't understand why you have the impulse to do this, but you have nothing left to lose. He usually won't respond because he's that kind of guy, but you know to expect this from him by now. Deep down, you know it's stupid and you shouldn't be hoping for him to come back, but you can't help yourself.
In time, you still find yourself rethinking this relationship and what changed. Your self-confidence goes down as your friends get into relationships and your unrequited love is with someone else. You convince yourself that if you aren't good enough for him, you're probably not good enough for anyone. Your family asks why you don't have a boyfriend because you're "pretty enough" and "smart enough." You know that you're probably worth something, but just not enough for him. You realize that you have become a living, breathing Taylor Swift song. Sooner or later, you begin wonder if you're crazy for feeling this way about someone who could clearly care less about you.
Then, you look at the situation differently. You start seeing his flaws when you look at his tweets or Snapchat stories. Maybe he wasn't the perfect guy after all and maybe he was the problem, not you. Realizing that he was an asshole makes you feel better, but at the same time you still miss him. You used to have someone who comforted you, laughed with you, and understood you. At least you thought you did. Perhaps you were caught up in the idea of him instead of looking at the real person. Although you know that he is toxic and you have no chance with him. you still have to ask, "What if?"
In the end, you know that you're worth something, and you should stop holding on to him. Although there are times you wish he was your Prince Charming, you know that the glass slipper wouldn't fit. So, you stop waiting for him and start living.
