It's okay to be too much for people.
Don't ever feel that you're TOO LOUD or TOO QUIET or TOO AWKWARD to be loved.
There isn't one single person who has EVER walked the planet who has not had SOME number of #haters. Even the most well-liked, seemingly perfect people, are often disliked simply because of their popularity and perceived flawlessness.There are always going to be people you click with, and people you don't click with--who are you to judge the latter simply because you don't particularly get along? They can't help their personality any more than you can.
Many people have no problem accepting when someone dislikes them. However, I happen to fall into the category of people who have a HUGE problem accepting this; if you do, too, then please know you're not alone.
Those of us who are ultra outgoing and talkative and energetic &intense&inquisitive&outspoken&SpeakAMileAMinuteWithoutTakingABreath? We often come across as OBNOXIOUS. as TOO much.
I recently wrote about being really outgoing. This article was lighthearted, yet barely touched on the darker truth of the matter.
I've been the one to dare to question why God made me the way I am, why He gave me an intense personality that makes as many enemies as it does friends. I've been the one to angrily resolve to change the way I am to impress others, only to be left feeling just as friendless as before but this time, with a gaping hole in my heart--a hole that results from trying to rip yourself away from who God made you to be. I've been the arrogant mortal standing before an infinite God, trying to convince Him that He made a mistake. I've decided too many times that, since there's no use trying to change how I am, I should just resign myself to the issue, living in bitterness and hatred towards who I was created to be. I've chosen countless times to be a slave to my personality rather than learn to control, live with and even thrive through it.
I'm all too familiar with being a servant of man while claiming to be a servant of Christ. Living for others' approval, looking to fellow sinful and incomplete humans for the perfect love that only God can provide: these are all sins that are perpetually warring for real estate in my soul. I can't remember a time when I was not constantly worrying about how accepted I was, even on a subconscious level. I still struggle so, so much with this. It's the reason why I would have rather changed who I was, just to please a few people who I didn't happen to mesh with, rather than accept myself. It's the reason I allowed my personality to drive a big wedge between God and me; I couldn't seem to see past His allowing me to be born with a personality that caused me so much grief at times. (After all, I was definitely put on this earth to glorify nobody but myself, right? Shouldn't I get what I want so I can be happy?)
When all you care about is popularity and being well-liked by influential people, you lose appreciation for those who already love you as you are. Not only had I told God that He made a mistake making me the way I am, I also was telling him in effect that I was ungrateful for the wonderful people He gave me as friends, that they weren't enough.
You're not supposed to let it get to you when someone thinks you're annoying. You're not supposed to care about being cool. You're not supposed to find your worth in others' opinions of you. You're not supposed to...but you do. You have all the head knowledge, but you can't seem to teach your heart. So, you get angry when people think they can walk all over you because you'll "always be nice". You get used to being hurt by others who dislike you because they think you're too X, Y, or Z. You HATE that you give them that power over you, yet it happens all too naturally.
Believe me when I say that Jesus is the only way to break this chain. When you pray for those who hurt you, they become a whole lot easier to love. I will never forget, just a few weeks ago, God showed me how I was fighting to win the approval of someone who didn't like me (I find that I always take on the challenge of trying to charm over the haters). My heart broke when I realized that I had been treating them according to my own agenda to win their friendship, rather than treating them with the genuine love of Christ that everyone deserves. I was disgusted when I realized how terribly I had been acting towards this person! I saw them as a prize to be won, as an object of attainment, rather than a broken and hurting person just like me. I spent all our interactions trying to seem cool and likeable, rather than showing them the love of Jesus. When they would treat me coldly, I would be angry and spiteful in my heart instead of still loving them.
God changed my heart toward them that day, and I couldn't be more thankful. Believe me, HE is the only one who can change a heart so twisted and selfish.
Remember that He is the one who you are to live for. Heaven won't admit you based on your popularity or fame, but on whether you surrendered your life to Jesus. True surrender means not living for yourself, but for His glory.
Run to Him when you feel alone. Be honest with Him--He can take it. Ask the Holy Spirit for strength to get over this mountain. I still have a long journey down this road, and fall short every day. Yet, we don't have to go it alone.
God made you exactly how He wanted you to be, in HIS image, to glorify Him. Whether you think you're too crazy, too calm, too antisocial or too chandelier-swingy: God knew exactly what He was doing when He created you with this personality, and can use it in immeasurable ways--He already has.
Psalm 139:14a "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
