To those I care about:
Really, I wouldn't be honest with myself if I said I always liked you. You make it hard sometimes to want to keep caring for you. Yes, I know that sometimes maybe I care a little too much but it's just how I am. I want you to be happy, I want you to be healthy, I like spending time with you, and most of all I want you to reach your goals.
Do you want that for me?
Here's the thing: from the moment I met you, I cared about you and that won't ever stop. Maybe that's a little overwhelming for some people, but it's intrinsic to me. God taught me to love everyone and I do. Support is one of the strongest things I can give to you, and I'll be there no matter what.
But, it doesn't always go both ways, and that can be hard sometimes. I put on a brave face and stay positive. But on my crappy days when I could really use someone, where are all of you that I care for? Busy. Don't answer your phone. Sure, it's okay I have homework, too. Let's hang soon. I drop what I'm doing for people I care about.
Sure, I am not perfect and we all have our own stuff going on but would it kill you to say "Are you okay?" I have a high-energy, genuinely bright personality. Even those of you who may only know me as an acquaintance can probably tell when I am not myself. It's tiring to give, give, give. But it's my fault too.
Some people I choose to care about probably aren't the best choice. It sucks coming to a realization that you won't be there for me if I'm going through a rough time. You really don't care. I'm convenient for you. It hurts when you ignore me depending who you're around. I get sick of it, then start remembering why I cared about you in the first place. That's the part I do to myself I guess.
But I do care deeply for you. I love what you contribute to this world. When you succeed, I'm proud. When you're having trouble, I admire how you work through and the unique set of skills and qualities you have to keep you going. I love to see when you're happy. You're deserving of something great because you are someone great. Something about you inspires me to be better and you're important in my life.
There's a phrase that my parents always said to me that I didn't understand when I was little. Now, it makes a whole world of sense. "I don't always like you, but I always love you." That's me for you. I will always be here. Even if you don't see that. I'm not sorry if I "mom" you. I'm not sorry if I tell you the truth that's hard to hear. I'm not sorry if I text you too much. I'm not sorry if I give too much encouragement. I'm not sorry if I remind you over and over again that I'm here for you whenever you need me. I'm not sorry, because that's me, Alyssa. I'll always, always care.
