Here’s the thing:
I know I’m not the only one that has ever felt like they’re not good enough.
We’ve all been there. The moment in our lives when we don’t feel smart enough, pretty enough, cool enough, or even, dare I say it, normal enough. It’s the mountain of emotions, with an avalanche of negativity hitting you. Your heart breaks, your muscles shake, and tears start rolling down your cheeks and you can’t stop them. I know all too well what it feels like, trust me, I understand.
Well, you know what?
I’m tired.
I’m tired of feeling like every day is a constant struggle. I’m tired of living in fear of not being accepted by my own friends, people who I should be able to trust and believe in. I’m tired of feeling like the little voices inside my head are right as they verbally beat me up, telling me that I should stop and that I’m just not cut out for this road of life. I’m tired of trying too hard so my fraternity brothers can love me and not leave me in the dust, even if that means thinking I have to change. I shouldn’t have to change.
It’s like no one cares. It’s like no one wants to acknowledge the fact that despite being a bit different from everyone else, I’m still as human as the rest of the world. It’s like I’m below certain people because they’re funnier, prettier, and, well, it always seems like they are more loved and more included than me. Apparently they have something I don’t.
I’m used to being ignored. Being outcasted in favor of girls better than me. But that doesn’t mean I have to endure it.
I’m tired of feeling like I have to be a certain way just so my friends will want to keep me around. I’m tired of feeling insignificant. I’m tired of being hurt. I shouldn’t have to live my life feeling like every little move I make is one step closer to isolation and being pushed aside. I shouldn’t have to feel like I’m forcing myself to sit with you at the campus center during lunch because you don’t give me a direct indication whether you want me there or not.
I’m tired.
But I’m not sorry for the way I am.
I am who I am and that’s all anyone is ever going to get. I may not have what everyone else has that makes them attractive and included into little ‘cliques’. But I’d rather be me than try to change to fit an idea.
So all I have left is to ask this: Is that good enough for you? Will I ever be good enough for you? Because I’m not about to waste my time on people who don’t seem to care about me.
