It must be a common predicament that crosses every college student’s mind every so often. You’re sitting at your desk gazing out at a snowy day, a gray sky. You’re submitting your applications for a hopeful summer, a productive summer. You’re hearing a story about a fifth guy that admires your sister deeply. You’re standing beside a friend as they receive praise but you feel invisible. You’ve poured every ounce of energy into an expertly crafted and fairly clever essay and were met with, “Eh, good, but B-.”
You feel invalidated.
It is becoming too easy to lose track of the purpose of our actions. Am I doing this for me? Yes, of course I am. I’m studying for the Bio test because I am completely fascinated by physiology, and I’m writing this poem because if I don’t, the feelings will consume me. And I don’t care about how other people receive those actions. It should be that way, though; in a perfect world, we wouldn’t have to seek validation or approval from others. But it’s unconscious, often inevitable to feel scrutinized.
I think it’s important to understand that when someone doesn’t particularly like something that I wrote or something that I said or did, it doesn’t matter; this becomes easier to accept when you become comfortable with your own independence and solitude. For example, I write for myself. I don’t write for readability or levels of relatedness. I do not write for approval or agreement. I primarily write for a mental audience: myself, and I don’t write to be accepted by a contemporary society or an archaic society or any society at all. I write to express, and even though words do have a great power, it’s completely fine if people don’t agree with them, because I believe in them, and that’s all that I really concern myself with. Similarly, more than just the simple act of writing, I think we all try to live our lives in this way, without having to worry about judgment or criticism holding us back. And I think that’s how we can overcome the problem of feeling invalidated or less than we are.
Even though it often happens instinctively, we shouldn’t have to base our self-worth on external perceptions. Your opinion is still a valid opinion even if it is not expressed aloud. But too often have I, and I think all of us, attributed less value to myself because I did not feel complimented or even desired romantically. I’ve learned that the root of many problems with validation is comparing oneself to others which is, you know, kind of unavoidable. But even still, I don’t think validation should be something to worry about excessively because the most important thing in life is how you perceive yourself--not compared to anyone else, but just as you naturally are right now. If you think you're brilliant and are content with yourself, nothing else really matters.
In this world, specifically college life, we’re faced with things like getting rejected or accepted or taking risks or trying new things or being assigned a grade based on the effort we put forth. In these cases, I do think it’s beneficial to learn from what other people have to say so that you can grow from it and improve yourself. The problem happens when you fail to do this and instead view yourself differently or as less of a person because you don’t match up to what you perceive as other standards. It’s okay to be alone, and it’s okay to be flawed, and it’s okay to not be liked or admired by everyone, and it’s important be reminded of those things.
Personally, I’m reminded of this every time I’m in the presence of nature and feel insignificant. It’s a good feeling, though, knowing that regardless of any current conditions or successes or failures or perceptions or unchangeable situations, you’re a small part of something vast, and that’s never really going to change. From the perspective of someone who loves the outdoors and biology, it’s just really fascinating to think of your place in the universe and ask yourself how you can possibly be unhappy or feel not good enough when there’s so much freedom and diversity and change and you’re living right in the middle of it. When you’re at peace with that, I think that’s when you can finally be at peace with yourself and have confidence in your own self-worth.
