I'm the queen of being a people pleaser. Okay, scratch that. I'm not as bad as I used to be, honest. I've grown a better, stronger backbone and I've stood up for myself and put my happiness first - for the most part. But nonetheless, I still obtain people pleaser traits, and it's quite the struggle. It's like I'm so close to cuffing off these traits but they still persist. And I can tell you that I know that awful feeling you get when it seems like someone is pulling you around like a dog; you feel small and pathetic, and you acknowledge the fact that the person bossing you around probably knows you're acting pathetic, too. It's embarrassing. But fear not, because you can take control of your life. This is for all of the people pleasing individuals out there to remind you why you should always go with your gut, regardless of that guilty aftertaste you endure in the end when you say "no".
1. You're not going to please everyone no matter what.
It's impossible to make everyone happy. It doesn't matter if you try your hardest to get on someone's good side, there is still going to be that one person - or multiple people who are going to be upset or irritated with you. So you're honestly just wasting time and energy on people who make you feel guilty every step of the way. What's the point of that?
2. Your feelings come first.
You're number one. Repeat that to yourself: I'm number one. I'm number one. I'm number one. Sure, it might seem like a selfish way to go about things, but if you're a chronic people pleaser, then it's kind of necessary at this point in time. And sometimes, being selfish is the healthy thing to do. The more you admit to yourself that your happiness is crucial, the easier it'll get to tell people that you don't want to do something.
3. Cutting off people pleaser traits will pay off.
Cutting off these traits of being there for people 24/7 and putting their happiness before your own, it will teach you to be a strong, self-assured person and people will eventually start to respect you and see where you stand. If they're allowed to live their lives the way that they want, so are you. You're nobody's servant.
4. What do you gain? Nothing.
There is literally no point in trying to please other because you're just going to end up feeling miserable on the daily - not to mention exhausting. So I guess in a way, you are gaining something, but in the negative outlook of things. Even if you feel a little bit better being at someone's side and making them constantly content, that all eventually melts away and you're left feeling used, unappreciated and have nothing but a lower self-esteem.
5. You're a tough cookie.
Standing up to someone (or multiple people) is a super hard thing to do. I know that some of these things are easier said than done. The thing is, though, is that abandoning your people pleasing personality takes practice, time, and repetition. Practice saying "no" in front of your mirror or something. I know, I know - it might sound silly, but it could definitely pay off in the end. Overall, you'll be a happier person knowing that you don't have to tend to everyone's need.
6. Evaluate your relationships.
You need to surround yourself with people who do not make you feel guilty on a daily basis. If you're constantly feeling like you have to please people because you're afraid to say "no" to them, then maybe you should evaluate your relationship with the as well as working on yourself. If people keep taking advantage of you and your vulnerability or just plain "niceness", are they really your friend? True friends don't evoke toxic vibes. True friends don't make friends feel obligated to do something even when they know that you don't want to do it.