If you have been dealing with anxieties for all of your life, you probably have found ways suitable to you to cope so you can function as normally as others around you do. I know for me I did and I was glad of it. It had taken me to some amazing opportunities and meaningful connections in my life. No one ever knew I had it if I didn't tell them. Yes, all that because I look perfectly "normal". I always seemed to be productive, I was active in various University organizations, I could hang out with my friends until midnight and I definitely didn't have troubles making connection. But little did they know I was trying so hard inside to stay composed. I didn't always have it easy. I have both anxiety and depression and they would come and go. And either people who are oblivious or I was so good at coping with it, no one ever noticed that I could suddenly had to performed some "rituals" in a social situation. I'd like to think I was getting better, nevertheless.

However one of those weeks had been one of the hardest I've been dealing with ever since I got better. For some reasons, I began to relapse—a lot since the beginning of the year but still wanted to try to find my feet despite my condition. I thought I could still cope like I did in the past. So I took some other opportunities, being a president in one of my organization's event, not having an idea how my relapsing could affect my performance so much. I had people expecting so much on me when I still couldn't figure what to expect from myself. I had people I wanted to touch and needed to inspire when I could only feel the old void and frustration taking turns. I tried my best and hardest regardless, I tried to put aside all the personal stuffs but apparently it had taken the best of me and to the point I feel the urgent need to seek professional help soon or else I won't make it in any way. Of course I was already failing, for others and for myself.

And while facing all this, I actually got to experience what those in authority or simply what people commonly do when they see one's struggle—they will kick you. Hard. In the ass. They won't bother to listen and they would barely encourage you. They would want to see result without partakes. They would see you struggle to stand and they would kick you even harder so you'll forget about it. Sure, it makes them feel powerful in expectation that it would make you feel small and weak about yourself. It makes them feel like they are the one who rule and no one else—but why?

I learned that no matter where you stand at the moment, no matter where you came from, no matter how best your intentions are, there will always be some people who would bring you down. Maybe you did make some mistakes like I did, or perhaps as what so often happened, you're not sure what you did so wrong to be treated in such a way and perhaps for a while you start to believe that you deserve the treatment—which you don't. A mistake by mistake isn't to be given punishment—and not to justify in any way but it's only fair to encourage and suggest next steps that can be done if all parties genuinely wanted to see the best, unless they don't. And if despite your effort to fix things there are still people who wrong you, that's their problem, not yours. You keep doing what you're doing, even better. Right or wrong, their eyes are on you and sooner or later they will be swallowed by their own spiteful mind and realized they have done or achieved close to nothing for all the times they spent dragging you down.

Whatever it is, I just want you to always, always remember this: those who bring you down are the ones below, and they are terrified to be there. So they start to pick someone to be dragged down as their company. This isn't always about power, this is about how you treat and stand up for yourself. The more you seem in distress, the easier you seem to them to be picked on. It's easy to push down someone who sways while standing. On the other side, if someone actually stands at "the top" why would they even bother to drag you down? With all of the beautiful, magnificent view they're seeing, why on earth would they bother so much to look down? And only if these people are the better kind, they'd reach you out and help you to be able to stand beside them to see what they're seeing from above.

Sure, imagining the analogy as someone who's standing in top of hill, they surely can push people around them down, but out of what? The answer is still the same: fear.
These are the people who are afraid that the earth would quake anytime and send them to the pit so they look for substitute or company and start to pick on others.

So then I learn to understand—at least for myself, that the best kinds of people are the ones who lift people up. And you, I may not know who you are, but I know you are strong, bold and courageous and later on, or maybe even at this moment, you will find some people would try to drag you down with the only reason being: they're just scared. But you won't be ruled by the fears they own. You will be ruled by all of your worth—your honesty, integrity, knowledge, capability, openness—your values. You own them first before your fear.

Fight for it and never give in.