Like millions across America, I used to hate feminism. Just hearing the word itself would tick me off enough for me to go off an a rant about how "awful" feminists are. This was only a few years ago. To be honest and fair, I totally understand why I felt that way, and why other people might still feel that way. Feminism is often represented by the angry, fact-challenged loudmouths on the Internet that shoot their mouths off about how white men and non-feminists are the enemies of all of the world's women. So, I can understand why a poor impression is given when these people behave this way in the name of feminism. But, as I did more and more and more research over the years, my views on the ideology changed dramatically.
I have always believed in "equality" between men and women, without any sort of compromise. Yet, I never considered myself a feminist because I always thought that feminism was about hating men and turning the world into a more female-centric place. That's why I was a little taken aback a few years ago when I learned that the dictionary definition of "feminism" is the idea that men and women are equal. Yet, I was quick to think, "Well, then, these people on the Internet aren't real feminists; they're preaching anger toward men." And, in many cases, this is the truth. But, it was the first time I realized, "Wait a second... If that's what feminism is, then, I guess I'm technically a feminist." I'm not gonna lie, that wasn't an exciting thought to have at first. To put myself in the same ideological group as the angry Internet "feminazis" was a less-than-pleasant idea. So, I never wanted to consider myself a feminist.
I always thought feminists had zero facts on their side. I thought they were just whining to hear themselves sound like the "good" people who thought they could never be wrong because they're on the "right side of history." For example, the one subject that seemed like the perfect example to me was wage inequality, and the idea that women make 77-79 cents for every dollar a man makes for doing the same work in America. I did what I would describe as a "superior but still not entirely efficient" amount of research on this subject and came to the premature conclusion that the wage gap is a myth. (Since then, I've done even more research and found that there is, indeed, wage discrimination for women, but it's nowhere near the 23-cent gap feminists like to say it is. I can write an entire article about this...perhaps I will in the future). However, at the time, my research gave me the impression that modern feminism was built on lies. I used this as the ultimate weapon against common feminist rhetoric. And, it was why I fell in love when the "Meninist" account first showed up on Twitter. It really spoke to me. Everything it posted when it was introduced was exactly what I wanted to hear: all the ways in which legal systems statistically favor women, all the ways in which women have it easier than men in the Unites States, all the things that men have to do that women don't have to do, and, obviously, how the wage gap was a "myth." I absolutely adored it, because I thought it was the only outlet in the media that shed light on the fact that men have their own troubles, too, and that men aren't the monsters that feminists make them out to be. They were exposing the hypocritical side of many feminists. Retweet, retweet, retweet.
More of my inner traces of feminism came to light when I discussed the subject with girls I was friends with. Before I tell that story, I should probably state that I thought the "epidemic of sexual assault" that feminists "complain" about was a load of crap that was designed to turn women against men. I did my own research on the common statistic that 1 in 5 college girls are sexually assaulted. I found that the survey that produced this statistic was poorly conducted. It was an online survey coming from only two colleges with questions that mostly seemed to give answers that led to the conclusion of having been sexually assaulted, and it had a questionable process of finding participants for the survey. So, I thought that sexual assault, harassment, and rape were not real problems that deserved political attention in America.
And, then, I opened my eyes.
Oftentimes in my later years of high school, I would discuss social politics with my friends, some of whom were girls, and the topic of sexual assault would land into the conversation. Sometimes, I would meet girls who would agree that, yes, modern feminism is stupid. This was nice and refreshing to me; even girls were sticking up to the hypocrisy of the "feminazis" of social media. But, this wasn't the case with every girl I talked to. As time went on, I met girls who made me think in a different way. I was shocked to hear some of the stories they would tell me. These were girls who had suffered from sexual assaults from past boyfriends, guys at parties, etc., sometimes more than once. Through the stories these girls told me, the idea of sexual assault was becoming more real to me. I could no longer think of this as some political idea that some people supported and some people didn't; this was something that was actually happening to girls I knew. I finally understood that the horror of sexual assault was extending its ugly fingers into the lives of the people that I care about.
After this, I started to notice things when I went to parties. I'll admit, it didn't happen at the majority of parties I went to, but it still happened enough to startle me. I would see guys slap random girls on their butts. I would watch as guys walk up from behind girls and kiss them on the cheek, to which the girls would respond with a resistant lunge away. Yet, something that struck me as truly disturbing was the way girls would feel they're supposed treat such gross acts. Some of them would resist, yet would have a calm demeanor that said nothing more than, "Ugh, I hate when this happens." Girls actually have to deal with this so much that, a lot of the time, they don't even make a big deal out of it, because it's "normal."
This type of behavior shouldn't be "normal." The act of respecting women should include respecting if they don't want to get in bed with you. That shouldn't be a crazy idea. I respect women, and I don't touch them when they don't want to be touched. I don't take advantage of their drunkenness in order to get them into bed. But, that doesn't make me a great person. That should just be the norm. I don't deserve applause for not sexually assaulting girls. And, forgive me for sounding like a bigot, but it upsets me that some people don't feel the same way.
A few years ago, I thought that the original goal of feminism had been achieved. I thought that there was no more work to be done in order to secure true equality between men and women. So, I believed that the modern "third wave" of feminism was an embarrassment to the feminist movements of the 20th century. And I was wrong. Today, I'm a feminist, because I've learned that the fight for equality is not over. But, I will also say to those who are against feminism: I understand you. I used to despise feminism. But, don't let those bigoted, hate-mongering Internet "feminists," as they call themselves, serve as the representatives of what you believe feminism really is. Feminism is not about hate. It's about truth, respect, and love.
