For a lot of people, being polite is a no-brainer. We do our best to be nice, or at least courteous to the people around us and avoid unnecessary conflict. However, politeness shouldn't always be our top priority - sometimes, trying too hard to be polite in a situation of conflict can add a layer of fluff to whatever you're saying and create misunderstandings, and in some cases actually escalate the conflict.
Conflicts are resolved much easier when both parties are direct and honest while still maintaining a respectful tone. If you're irritated by one specific thing, don't walk around your point and make vague arguments because you're wanting to spare the other person's feelings or you're afraid of "attacking" them. A few moments of being uncomfortable never hurt anyone, but constantly wondering what someone else actually meant could.
In middle school, I was involved in a conflict situation with a few other girls that sort of slapped me in the face out of nowhere. One day, I was told to go to the advisor’s office, where she told me that “someone” in the class felt I was bullying them. This was something completely new to me - I was never a bully as a kid and I would never intentionally hurt anyone. The advisor would not tell me any specifics of what I had supposedly done or which girls out of eight whose school days I was making unbearable - I was just told to "fix my behavior." As you might imagine, I left the meeting feeling frustrated, upset and a little bit targeted.
This is a good example of when it would have been more effective to talk in specifics rather than tendencies. I didn't know what to do after this meeting, and it just left me feeling bad about myself and second-guessing several of my friendships. I later found out that this situation was blown out of proportion and pretty much just your usual teenage girl drama, but I believed then and still believe now that it could have been resolved much quicker if I had the opportunity to talk to the girls myself and have them explain what was going on.
This holds true for any conflict situation, whether it be an argument with your significant other or an uncomfortable situation at work - if you're not clear on exactly what's bothering you, chances are the fight will blow up to be something much bigger than what it needed to be. The other person is left to interpret it on their own, and as we all know, our imaginations are sometimes our worst enemy and will often take the route of worst case scenario when there's room for doubt.
Of course, this doesn't mean that you should tell everyone around you how much they annoy you and all the things you don't like about them. It just means that when a situation does arise where you need to confront somebody, it's much more useful to be direct with them even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.
Say what you really mean. Be specific. And don't expect someone to accommodate your needs if you can't tell them what they're doing wrong.
