Years ago, on my back porch, there was a swing. On this swing we used to laugh into the open summer night, our voice carrying on the slight breeze. On this swing we used to lay together, gazing at the clouds, and talked until our hearts were content and our throats were sore. On this swing, I used to fall into its steady rhythm, gently rocking until my fears decayed and I could find peace within myself once again. We were together. We lived. We had fun: all on this swing. But the swing began to tear. The thin cloth began to rip and the metal began to rust. Soon, it became unsuitable for its purpose. Soon, it was just a memorial for what used to be. And then, it was taken away from me. Now, the space where it once laid is barren. Now, the channel to my happy memories has disappeared.
Years ago, on a deck overlooking a pond, there was a boy. It was dark and he sat alone, staring into the night, watching the fog wisp over the water, the street lamp casting a dim, orange glow before us. I was captivated by him, without reason or doubt. On this deck we sat quietly, the sound of cicadas filling the silence. On this deck I gazed upon him, trying to comprehend the swirl of emotions in my chest. On this deck, we made history. At this place, at this time, my heart expanded over the entire resort. I found my safe haven. On this deck we dissolved from the world, we laughed, we dreamed, we had the perfect get-away. But time has pulled me away. My safe haven only exists in photo albums and memories. I don't know that boy anymore, and neither does he know me. One day, we drove off, leaving the beautiful scenery behind, and I haven't seen that place since.
Years ago, in a small town, there was a family. This family, like any other, used to laugh, fight, love, and care for one another. This family dined together, discussing their day over evening meals. This family entertained one another, conjuring up movie nights and impromptu talent shows. This family sang together, gathering around the living room with guitars and vocal chords. I loved this family. This family was my family. Those people had my heart. Now, the house lay empty. Now, I no longer hear them sing. I no longer hear their laughter. Now, I no longer feel warm and invited. I don't know where they are or what has happened in the years that have passed. I only know that they existed once and that I had some of the best times with them.
Years ago, in a time where the sun shone brighter than it ever has, you were by my side. You were there, in the flesh, alive. It wouldn't have occurred to me that there would be a time where I wouldn't hear your voice. It never occurred to me that one day I wouldn't be able to rely on your embrace. It never occurred to me because I knew you. You were real. I spent my life with you, old friend. You were always there and I took advantage of that. Now, I can't find you. Now, the only trace of you is your name carved in stone. Now, there is silence where you once spoke softly to me. Now, there is pain where you once healed me. Now, there is loneliness where you once kept me company. And I couldn't describe in words how much I miss you.
Years ago, there was an elementary school. We were innocent, unaware of life's cruelness. We played at recess and made a thousand friends. We accepted each other as equals. We had the best times, swinging, sliding, playing tag. We didn't worry about anything except getting caught whispering to one another during nap time. The only pain we understood was the scraping of the knee when we fell or played too rough. Now, I don't recognize that school. Now, I can no longer call that place mine. I have gotten older. So, so much older. It feels as if I have lived a thousand years. But oh, how I wish that I could go back to that school. How I wish I could erase the things I've learned, the things I've felt. How I want to relive the age of innocence, the epoch of bliss.
I don't want to get older. I don't want to lose the people that I love. I don't want to watch the things that mean so much to me disintegrate before my eyes. I don't want to learn the hardness of life. I don't want to accept being an adult and the stress and responsibilities that accompany it. I don't want to accept that things come and go, that nothing lasts forever. Each breath that I breathe is another breath closer to my last. It is the same of my friends and family. And yet, instead of living in the present, I have been bound to the past. This heavy nostalgia suffocates. It settles in my bones, crippling me. It clouds any acknowledgement of the present, of the future. Because though not all is bad in my life today, sometimes I can't help but reminisce over the things that I have lost. The things that had my heart so many years ago.
