When My Parent Just "Doesn't Get It"

Goals and dreams and hopes are something that circulates through everyone’s minds at least once a day. From small ones to unrealistic ones, we are all affected and can’t escape the thought of what life would have been or is going to be like once the goal is achieved.

For me, I always chose to dream and reach for the unrealistic dreams. Always expressing how much I wanted to do this one thing verses another. I was doing everything I could within this small town, not fully capable of being financially independent, undergraduate life just to prove that this was going to happen without a second though.

As the years started to pass and with the time gap, from dream to transition into reality, closing fast, plans were needing to be set in stone, and I was prepared. My ambition grew, and confidence had me ready to finalize with the one thing that, I knew, would tear me down: my parent. No, it’s not the fact that I was told “no, you can’t do this.” It was:

“No, you’re not going. You can’t go.”

-OR-

“I don’t understand why you push so much for this. It’s so far.”

And I’ve also heard:

“How do you expect me to help when I just don’t get it?”

Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents more than I love myself, and I will always be their “baby girl.” I will always aim to make them proud, but what I don’t understand is how they don’t understand. Though it hasn’t stopped me from pushing forward in making my dream reality, it has slowed me down. There is nothing more shocking than unintentionally telling hearing my parents say that I can’t accomplish my dream. That it’s “too unrealistic.”

So, my loving and caring parent, this is to you. I want you to understand when I say this means to much to me.

I want you to “get it.”

Pleasedon’t tell me that you don’t understand. Because, right now, it doesn’t make sense to me, but I just know that this is something that I want to do. And when I can finally cross this goal off of my bucket list, we will both understand, I promise.

Please don’t tell me that I can’t do it because I can, and I will.I know that you have no bad intentions when you say those words to me, and you are always thinking of what’s “best” for me. It hurts more to hear those words and see those actions because the support and trust, that you as a parent should have in me, is no longer there.

Please let me do what I think is best for me. Let me learn and conquer the world on my own. It’s the only way I’ll learn. No, ‘ma, that doesn’t mean I don’t need you. It just means that I need some breathing room when it comes to making choices that I think are best for myself.

Please trust me. You and I both know that when college, officially, became a part of “our” picture that the transition from “your baby girl” into “a young woman” was about to take place. And silently, we both were not ready for it, but four years later, we’ve made it. You’ve trusted me enough to let me move away from home, and you’ve trusted me to get involved in things you never thought I would be involved with. Now just trust me enough to let me accomplish this “unrealistic goal.” We both know that I can do it.

And finally, ‘ma, please love me and support me through it all.We are finally making it into this last stretch of time before this dream comes true, but there is still plenty of time for there to be bad days, stressful days, good days, and happy days. There will be times that I drive an hour and a half just to come home because I feel like I can’t do it anymore. There will be times that I will just cry to you because there is no motivation there. In those times, you might want to tell me “I told you so,” or “I don’t understand why you’re doing this to yourself,” but please don’t, just love me and tell me to get back up again.

That’s what I need from you because we both know that I can and will do it.