If there is one thing I want you to know, it is that I love you unconditionally already. I will love you completely from the day you are born, no, from today. Before you are even conceived, until long after the day I perish. Please know that.
But there are also some other things about me that I wish for you to understand and know.
When I hug you too tightly, or kiss you for too long. Understand that it is only because I know I won’t be able to love you for nearly as long as I want to. Something I’ve experienced with my own parents is that time goes all too fast. Before you know it, things can take a serious turn. I will be sure to love you as much as I am capable, for as long as I can, but even that won’t be enough.
When I annoy and embarrass you because I need to meet all of the parents of your friends, know it is only because I know what bad exists in the world. And it’s always better to be safe than sorry. You will understand, in time, that when your mother is overprotective, it’s only because I care too much about you to ever take a risk. I know because my parents were the same way. I resented them for never letting me go and never loosening their grip on my social life. However, as I age, I see more of the love in their actions. I see the love in their inability to allow me to be around people they didn’t know well. They loved me too much to risk it, just as I will love you.
When I hold your hand too tightly around crowds of many people, understand it’s only because once, someone didn’t watch me closely enough. Just as I said, bad things can happen. But I will do all within my power to protect you, always. My life for your life, in a heartbeat. I’ve had bad experiences in my life and I will fight to make sure that you never experience them.
When I brag about you with stories and pictures, it’s because I’m proud of you, and because someone once didn’t show me enough admiration. I will always be proud of your accomplishments and your failures. Yes, your failures. Because it means you tried. And, my dear, succeeding and failing means you are living. It means you discover what you like and dislike. Failing is a part of life, just as succeeding is. Do not be ashamed because it has happened to us all.
When you want your significant other to sleep over in our house with you, all too soon, and I say no (just as my parents did with me) it’s only because I know the repercussions all too well. I know that a heart doesn’t mend nearly as fast as we wish it to. And love doesn’t last, nearly as long as we hope for. But, my darling, no one will ever love you as much as I do.
When I say I know better than you, it’s not to tell you that you know nothing at all or that you are naïve, because being naïve is a wonderful thing. It is simply because I have lived more life. You will know things yourself, and you will learn more as you live life and experience it. But I have faced things that I wish for you never to. And one day, I may share these experiences with you, but not to intimidate you. Only for you to better understand why I am the way I am, why I think the way I do.
The last thing I want you to know, is that when you find yourself upset or angry; if you find yourself awake, crying and depressed in the middle of the night, come to me. I never want you to feel like you can’t tell me something, like you can’t express your emotions to or with me. I have been there and I have had those feelings. If there’s something I hope to teach you, it’s to not be ashamed of your feelings. Cry when you are sad, and throw a pillow when you are angry. But always, always come and talk to me. I know you might not want to talk right away, but holding in your feelings never does any good. I know.
I will hold you until you feel better. I will talk with you until you laugh. I will always listen to how you are feeling. Chances are, I’ve felt the same things. Whether you’re upset over a significant other, or school, or even me, I still want you to talk to me. One thing I know about relationships is that communication is everything. I learned that with my parents. We will figure it out together. Even if it’s 4 am and you don’t know why you are sad and crying, you just are. I will sing to you until you fall asleep. My child, I have definitely been there. I know it’s never exactly the same, but I know the salty taste of tears mixed with the feelings of confusion and fear, all too well. I will gladly tell you my stories if they make you feel better. I’ll gladly listen to you tell me detail after detail about your feelings. Or I’ll gladly sit with you in silence. Because being there to comfort you, is all I could ask.
Well that’s not completely true because I would do anything to take the pain away, but I also know that the pain is just a part of life. The bad accompanies the good. But the good is always visible on the horizon. Sometimes you can’t see it, because your future is so bright, it shines so much, that it blinds you and you mistake that for darkness. But if you wait and squint your eyes, you’ll see the sun and light of endless possibilities. Just wait. They’re there.
I vow to love you and protect you in the best way, and only way, I know how. But my sweet, I know all too well that I am anything but perfect. Even so, I will try my best to support you, encourage you, care for you, adore you, protect you, defend you, and love you.
