When I was small, I wanted to be a nurse practitioner. I could see myself already, young, smart and be wearing a pretty, white coat that gave off the universal notation for helping people. That dream was short lived. I soon wanted to be a writer. My parents got me a typewriter one year, and I would sit at that keyboard and record my town's events as I saw them happen (usually several days late) and I would make copies for my little family to read the "Johnson Review". As a little person, despite my small stature, I was fiercely independent and found myself jumping for an opportunity to act like an adult and be "responsible."

I am sitting here tonight at my desktop wondering where the time went. Hours, weeks, days, and years later, I am here. I am 22, married, and I have a beautiful daughter asleep in the bedroom while I perch on my couch trying to plan the rest of the week. I used to have so much time on my hands, and in turn, so many ambitions I wished could fill that space.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was both happy and sad. The once close dreams of careers and travel were now pushed to the side, and endless array of OBGYN appointments and crib selections lay before me. I felt like I had literally lost it all. Yes, I had this wonderful little person on the way who, at the time, I didn't know would be one of the greatest loves of my life. All I could focus on was how I should have been more careful. If I had just paid more attention and not missed that pill, I may not have ended up where I now am. I didn't feel ready and even now, there are days when I question my validity as a parent.

When I grew up, I didn't imagine being a parent. I never once wanted a child, and I didn't think the life was for me. Now, looking back I realize that there is no such thing as fate or destiny and that we choose where we end up. Whether it be through life decisions or taking a detour on the road less traveled, we all end up where we are supposed to be for a particular season. It took me quite a while to accept this as it was and not just put it off like I had many other things in my days. This single, most important concept was something that, if I had only thought sooner, probably would have been extremely helpful in accepting where I am.

I love my life. I really do. At one point, I would have told you this wasn't for me and that I would "never be a mom," but I am here now, and it is OK. Every day is a new breath, and I calmly welcome it with gentle bliss and hope for good change. I can only pray that anyone else who now stands where I stood for so long, can have a mind open to embrace such a reality.