Today I thought that the world had completely ended. My world was flipped upside down and I was falling through an abyss that was never going to cease. All I could think about was how I was never going to achieve what I had always wanted. The plans that I had so strategically planned out were slowly but surely falling apart. I know that it could have been better for me to run away than to go to war with what is yet to come. I couldn't have cared less about what was going to happen, all I wanted to do was to stop and go back to normal.
Then I realized, I didn't know what normal was anymore. I couldn't remember the last time normal was a thing, well at least for me. I noticed that my normal was God's way of saying, look at what I got next. My normal was crazy semesters, long nights, dealing with the good, the bad and the ugly. Yet, my God stayed the same through it all. The times I thought my world was gone and I had nothing else to strive for, my God opened a window. The time I thought my relationships were about to crash, my God gave me another. My plans have never been my plans because my God has already created my future.
We go through life thinking that when life gets tough it's because we think it's our fault. Which it very well could be but there has to be a reason and purpose as to why it is going wrong. What is God protecting you from? Something that you can't see just yet? There are lessons in everything that we do, whether it is going from one breakup to the next or your plan to graduate in August might have to be pushed to December. God wrecks your world because He knows the war you're walking into. He knows that if He does not do it now, then you're going in unprotected because your focus is on something else and not Him. If we continue to lose focus on Him, then our worlds are just destined to turned upside down. If a mustard seed can move mountains, than the smallest amount of mistrust and loss of focus can destroy one.
Even in our darkest moments, we can feel as though God is silent and never there. But remember, the teacher is always silent during a test. I firmly believe that we are tested when we have been straying away from God because He knows us better than we know ourselves. It says in Isaiah 55:8-9, "Perhaps it's simply a sign that God's ways and wisdom is far beyond our understanding and what we call silence isn't really silence at all." I agree, there is a lesson in every trial that we face.
Once the silence was broken, I was humbled and thankful. My loss of faith had just proved that God is mightier than I will ever be.
