I’m going to be honest: friend breakups hurt just as much as dating breakups. So you can just imagine the pain of those two breakups...combined. I’ve had a falling out with plenty of friends, and in those cases I could easily brush it off. Whatever, I was better off without them anyway. But when a friendship ended because of a breakup, I was at a loss.
Now, I can’t go into too much detail to maintain a semblance of privacy, not only for myself, but for the other people involved, but what I can say is that I have lost a friend because of a past relationship, and it hit me just as hard as the relationship itself ending.
My friendship with this person was long-term, as in over a decade. Although we weren’t attached at the hip or anything like that, I always considered this person someone important, someone I could trust. So, post-breakup, when they didn’t ask how I was doing, I didn’t think much of it; it wasn’t out of place, we rarely crossed into emotional territory anyway.
When they continued hanging out with my ex, I didn’t mind; I had told all of our mutual friends that their relationship with my ex was their business, they didn’t have to stop hanging out on my accord.
When they started excessively posting about my ex on social media where they knew I could see, it struck a chord.
This put me in a weird position. I didn’t have the authority to ask this person to stop, because that would be like asking them to stop showing off their friend ... right? As the social media posts became more frequent, I became more uncomfortable. I voiced this to my best friend who took it upon herself to mention it to this person. The response she got was more painful than I could have expected. This person who I had known for years, who I considered one of those friends you have for a lifetime, excused their behavior by saying that they and my ex were friends, and always had been.
My only thought was, “So were we.”
Recently I’ve actively started coming to terms with the fact that my friendship with this person is over. Although it may sound petty and dramatic to those on the outside, it was incredibly painful for me to remove this person from any and all social media; it felt like removing them from my life. I’ve never found social media to be a toxic thing, but when their social media posts started to feel like a personal attack, it turned into just that. This person chose to prioritize someone who hurt me, and they chose to rub that choice in my face constantly. Even after being confronted, their behavior continued. Because of this, I know that the choice I made was the best for my mental health, however painful.
There are certain moments in life that show you who your real friends are, romantic breakups being one of them. I have found comfort and support in my friends, and because this particular person was giving me none of that, the friendship had to end. I don’t wish them any ill, but I don’t need to know how they are doing.