You make me feel worthless. That happy exterior I so carefully built, it's crumbling. It's breaking in front of my tired eyes. You're exhausting. I work so hard to make it seem like I have it together, but you know that I don't. Like I have a clue of what is going on around me. But I'm drowning. I can't breathe, I can't sleep, I can't dream anymore. And when I do dream, I just want to wake back up. Stop telling me to do better, I work harder than I thought I ever could. But what good is that going to do when you're always expecting more?

I once thought that I defeated you. I thought I could be happy and move on from your grip. I just didn't realize how much you intertwined yourself into my life. I thought I was so meticulous in erasing your grip on who I was to my very core. But I was wrong, oh so wrong. So here I am again, fighting, clawing my way back up for air. You're suffocating me, can't you see? But you don't care, you've never cared. I hate the thought that you win some days.

I close my eyes at night and you're still there, it's terrifying. And though I can wake from the dream, it's still a nightmare when I open my eyes. This has to stop, doesn't? I keep begging for mercy, but I don't think you know what that is. You're cruel and unkind. But you don't care because that's just what you do. It's like a game of hide and seek but I can't hide, I can't outrun you. I'm a player in this game your playing and I just want out. I don't even know how you got me here.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I am so tired. I am tired to the bone, the kind of exhaustion that you just can't shake. I will not accept defeat, not to you. Even though you seem to drain the color from the world and make things seem so incredibly lonely, you're not winning this fight. You think that you control my life, some days you do. But in the end, I am the winner.

I am not a quitter. You are not my conqueror. I am a survivor. I am a warrior.