Before I begin, I would like to advise that this article deals with sexual assault and childhood sexual abuse. Reader discretion is advised. Though difficult issues, they must be addressed.
Abstinence education is likely something we've all already heard about. Abstinence educators have made national news for comparing a girl who has had sex to a chewed piece of gum or tape that has lost its stickiness. As distasteful as these comparisons may be, most people brush them off. Perhaps they will discourage risky sex, they think. But abstinence education is missing a key element: consent.
The danger of abstinence only education received in school, or purity education received at home or church is that all too often an individual's choices are not taken into consideration. Rather, young girls are taught that sex is something that happens to you rather than something that you actively participate in. This in turn makes it more difficult for children, especially girls targeted by purity education, to distinguish between healthy sexual relationships and abusive ones. It also silences victims of sexual abuse by placing blame on them for not "staying pure".
I've seen this happen first hand. A girl I was once very close to confided in me that she had been sexually abused by a classmate when she was quite young. As a result she felt a deep shame for betraying her family and church. She tried to completely cover her body in long pants and sweatshirts, even in the heat of summer. She disliked people touching her, even in platonic ways such as a hand on the shoulder. These are red flags for abuse that should have been investigated. Instead, she was lauded for her modesty. She felt as though she couldn't tell anyone while the abuse was happening because she was so ashamed that she had not remained pure.
The focus on abstinence not only made it more difficult for her to get out of the situation. She is continually revictimized. She has had to sit through bible studies teaching that girls who have been touched sexually by someone other than their husbands will never be able to form a true emotional bond. No mention is made of whether that touch was consensual or not. There is no distinction made between sexual activity and assault.
We need to be teaching consent. First, children need to know that they have a small degree of power. They are allowed to refuse contact if it makes them feel uncomfortable. Second, consent education gives victims of sexual abuse a means to report what they are experiencing. For young kids who have only been taught about purity, it can be difficult or even impossible for them to distinguish between sex and assault, leading them to blame themselves. Third, for survivors of sexual abuse, consent education gives a way to distinguish between what they experienced and healthy sexual relationships. Purity education without discussion of consent re victimizes survivors and silences them.
