Lately I've thought a whole lot about life, and love, and all the things that come with growing older. Being in college, we feel like we need to have our lives completely figured out. We feel like we need to find love, and if we don't we'll probably be alone forever. We think about our future careers, and if we don't have our degree plan figured out, we'll probably be on the streets the second we graduate. There's so much on our plates as young adults, but we never stop and ask ourselves why we're in such a rush to grow up.

I am only 19 years old, and the past year or so I thought I had everything completely figured out. I thought I knew who I wanted to spend my life with, I thought I knew exactly how my life would turn out in the next 10 years, and I thought everything was perfectly in place. Then as I kept growing as a person and really taking the time to know myself, I started to realize that my life wasn't the way I wanted it to be. You see, I never stopped to think about how much life I still have left to live. I had a preconceived notion of how I wanted my life to be and I pushed everything to the side that wasn't in that plan, not realizing that those things could have positively impacted my life more than I thought they would. I decided that it was time to live for me, not anyone else.

When it comes to college, it's no lie that we get a little scared thinking of everything that comes with it. We're on our own without our parents, but if you're lucky you'll meet some really great friends that will walk along side you every step of the way. I came into college thinking that my major would be finance. I'm decent at math, and I wanted to make a lot of money. I went through my first year taking classes specifically for that major since I already had most of my core classes finished, and I never knew how hard they would be. I would go to each of those classes completely dreading the thought of even sitting in there. I knew that I wasn't going to be happy as a finance major so I switched to the major I wanted to pursue since I was a child, education. I decided that all I wanted to be in life is happy, and if that means I won't have as much money as I planned on, that'll be just fine with me. That was only the first step to getting my life back on track.

I dated someone for a pretty long period of time, even broken up everyone knew that we still loved each other. You know when you're with someone for so long you don't really know how to not be with them? That was kind of the situation I think we were in. It turns out that I really wasn't happy, but I didn't know how to handle it because I didn't think I would know how to go on with life without him. It was obvious that the love wasn't really there between us anymore, and it was dragging both of us down mentally. It took a lot of thinking, but I decided that I wouldn't be happy if I didn't leave him. I thought that I would go crazy, but I'm here to tell you that when you take a step to make yourself happier, it will be a lot easier than you think. I'm grateful to say that I'm doing just fine, so much better than I thought was capable. This is a period of growth, everyone changes and sometimes you just need to grow by yourself. It's okay to be selfish.

I knew that I really fell short in my faith over the past year, pushing God further and further away because I'm stubborn, and thought I could handle all the stuff going on in my life all by myself. It wasn't until I was in the middle of one of the many panic attacks, I had over the course of the year that I realized I needed to run back to Jesus. It's been a process of fully trusting my Savior again, but my goodness, I am so much happier. I've even gotten my best friend to start going to church with me. I never knew that this one simple step towards my happiness would make such a difference.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we don't have to rush through life like we think we do. Stop trying to find love in all the wrong places. Stop trying to make someone love you if you don't. Stop reaching for a degree that isn't going to make you happy thirty years down the road. We have all the time in the world. Don't settle for anything that ultimately drags you down. This is your time. Grow into who YOU want to be. It's okay to be selfish. It's okay to make decisions based off of how YOU feel. It is so important to grow into the person that you want to be. If you can't truly say that you're happy, maybe it's time to rethink some things. Never be afraid to make yourself proud of who you've become.