It’s unfortunate, that when I googled chivalry, link after link led me to articles about “the death of chivalry.” It’s unfortunate that so few think of it as something vibrant, alive, and kicking. It’s even more unfortunate that the world believes women killed it. And a little outrageous but we’ll get to that.

First it’s important to know what chivalry is, so allow me to clarify. It does not refer to the Knights of the Round Table, jousting, or anything Middle Age related (although that would be kind of cool.) I’m talking good ol’ fashioned standing when a woman comes to the table and pushing in her chair when she sits down. I like to call it sixties chivalry because that’s when the word itself became popular. At its essence, chivalry means courtesy, valor, gallantry, honor, courage, etc. You get the picture.

This isn’t the sixties anymore. So much has changed since then that the other day, although usually convinced it’s still alive, I found myself wondering if chivalry really is dead, and lately, I’ve been getting mixed signals. On the one hand, a friend of mine always holds the door open for me, which is very nice. On the other hand, some people just don’t get it. A few weeks ago, for example, a friend and I (both female) had to walk home at night. Another friend (this one male) offered to walk with us, making it very clear that it was out of his way and if he didn’t have to, he’d rather not. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to tell him whether he had to walk almost a mile out of his way in the cold and the dark, just to take some girls home. Of course I should give him some credit for offering, however reluctant he was because it’s more than I can say for some people. This, however, did not stop me from saying no.

I was annoyed at my friend for so many reasons but one was more important than the rest. He made me feel guilty for being afraid to walk around at night without protection, for wanting an escort home because the neighborhood isn’t as safe as I’d like it to be, for having to carry around pepper spray, just in case. He made me feel guilty for being a woman. So for a moment, I was so utterly convinced that chivalry is dead. It must be if the last thing this guy wanted to do was walk with two young women to make sure they got home safely.

However, chivalry is not dead. Despite this story (which may or may not still bother me), I can’t believe there aren’t courteous and gallant people out there and it took my dad to convince me. I told him I’d be writing about the death of chivalry and he said, very straight-faced and convinced (no eyelashes were bat), “It’s not dead. It’s been replaced. With equality.”

Then it hit me (although this isn’t what he meant). Chivalry isn’t just for men anymore. Sure, my friend held the door open for me but there were two more doors that I opened for him. Doesn’t that make me chivalrous? The guy didn’t walk me home that night but I walked a third friend home, who was planning on going alone. It was cold and dark and out of my way, and she insisted it wasn’t necessary, but I walked with her anyway. Doesn’t that make me chivalrous? I hold things for people when they don’t have a free hand, and I help old ladies cross the street, and I share my umbrella when someone doesn’t have one. Doesn’t that make me chivalrous?

It’s ridiculous to blame women for killing chivalry because chivalry will never die. We won’t let it.