You’ve probably heard of Pokemon Go, the exciting new exercise app that’s taking the nation’s young and young at heart by storm. There have been lots of news articles about the effects Pokemon Go has had on peoples’ lives, from helping parents bond with their kids to distracting people enough that they plunge off cliffs. If you don’t play the game (or haven’t reached Level Five), you might not know about Pokemon Go gyms, the feature that allows you to engage in battles with your captured Pokemon.
I’ll be honest, I only have a vague idea of what goes on at gyms because I haven’t bothered to walk all the way to the closest one yet. But I do know that when you click on one for the first time, you’re asked to choose which team you want to ally yourself with. Your options are Team Mystic (the blue one), Team Valor (the red one) and Team Instinct (the yellow one. Yes, there is a yellow one).
The factors that drive people to choose the games they choose are many and varied, but given the descriptions of each team, I think I can guess some of the likely commonalities. Interested in knowing what your choice says about you? Read on!
Team Mystic: You like to think of yourself as a mature, intelligent problem solver who can easily take control of any situation. Your self-assessment is not necessarily accurate. You often describe yourself as “the mom” of your friend group. You participated in some kind of pretentious competitive academic thing in high school (think the debate club, mock trial and quiz bowl). You play Pokemon Go because you like being better at something than the children around you. You like to use words you think other people won’t know in conversations so they have to ask you what you mean. (As a member of Team Mystic, allow me to tell you that you’re looking very pulchritudinous today). Alternately: all your friends were already on Team Mystic when you started.
Team Valor: You are totally psyched about Pokemon Go! You watched the Pokemon TV series as a child and felt bad for Team Rocket. You say “Gotta catch ‘em all!” a lot. You have cool stories about the insane things you’ve done while playing Pokemon Go. You’d push a kid down to get a Pokemon, but you’d feel bad about it after. You pull out your phone to show people all the Pokemon you’ve caught at the slightest provocation and don’t stop even when the people you're talking to are obviously disinterested. You’re a total sap. There’s at least one movie that makes you cry every time and it is your secret shame.
Team Instinct: You’re a ten-year-old boy.
So, which side did you choose?
