This article is about my two favorite things: Pasta and mild narcissism.
Have you ever been asked the ice breaker, "If you were a pasta, what type of pasta would you be?" or have you taken the quiz online of "What pasta are you?" Which are completely absurd questions. First of all, why? Why are we asking ourselves these dumb questions that will only superficially bond us together for the next five minutes? Why do we need to find out what pasta we are? Why do we need to mindlessly fill out a completely random questionnaire centered around ourselves? Is it so we can post about it on Facebook and get two likes? And then, why pasta? Pasta has no personality or substance outside of sustenance. Well, now you know how I am judging you depending on your answer.
1. Macaroni or Elbow
This is probably your favorite because it is what comes in the microwavable mac-and-cheese you eat. Your favorite outfit is undoubtedly leggings and a sweatshirt. Law and Order: SVU is your favorite of the Law and Orders. Half of your bras are sports bras, but you play no sports.
2A. Ridged Ziti
When you eat chips, you're a scooper. Extra cheese was never a question. When you were a child you probably ate just ketchup. At a hot dog stand, you ordered 30 packets of ketchup.
2B. Smooth Ziti
First of all, re-evaluate. Your favorite shopping is Agenda shopping. A lot of your jeans are mid-rise and you wear them with plain ballet flats. Your favorite color is yellow or grey. You feel strongly about fictional characters.
3. Angel Hair
This might because it inherently matches your very limp, very fine blonde hair that you part in the middle. All your jeans are still from Abercrombie and Fitch and your backpack is Vera Bradley. You definitely took French in high school.
4. Gnocchi
You have approximately seven pillows on your bed. Vodka is your favorite alcoholic beverage. Your parents are either really traditional Italian or very worldly and brought you to nice restaurants at a young age.
5. Bowtie
You are just TFTC (too frat to care), aren't you? You have at least one painted cooler, either painted for you or by you for yourself. If it is the latter, then you definitely ate a lot of pasta during and after and this pasta was coupled with Franzia. This began as an ironic favorite but you have grown to love this seemingly useless pasta shape.
