As we all grow up, we are bound to gain weight. We are growing into our adult bodies, and there is sadly no way out of it. Coming to terms with gaining that weight is incredibly hard, some people are better at it than others.
I cannot handle it.
Freshman year of college was the year when you started to grow into the bodies you will have for the rest of your lives. This was also the time that I realized I was not OK with that. I started to come across these beautiful girls in college and noticed that I was not one of those blessed girls who grew up perfectly.
From that moment, until today, I find myself hating a certain part of the way I look. I also realized that being a young woman in this country is one of the hardest things. People don't always care about how intelligent you are, but instead, they are concerned about how you look.
I am constantly comparing myself to those around me. I always see myself as the lesser person, which makes me think so lowly about myself. I dare you to look at my Google search history. All the topics will have to do with some type of lifestyle change, weight loss program, or what to eat and what not to eat. I never wanted to be this person who did not like who they are. I am surrounded every day by people who love me for who I am, and they deserve the best possible version of myself. I deserve that, too. The only thing that should truly matter in my life is my relationships with my loved ones. I should not be focusing on my weight.
Every single day, almost every thought that runs through my head has to do with my body image. I know my self-esteem is low, and I know I always choose clothes much bigger than I am so that I can hide. I am not oblivious to how badly media and other people are ruining my thoughts. Trust me, I don't want to be thinking these things.
I am a great person, but somehow, the world has me believing that I should be judging myself based on my looks when that is the last thing I should be basing my judgement off of. On a daily basis, I am reading every food label I can get my hand on, and making decisions based on what is going to make me look good instead of my happiness.
I cannot handle it.
I cannot handle it when I hear people making comments about other people's bodies. I cannot handle when someone talks about what I am eating. I cannot handle seeing our media destroy what other people look like. I cannot handle mean people.
When I hear others talking about the way people physically look, I always wonder what people say about me. Something someone says can stick with me forever. I can recall many hurtful comments I have heard people say to me and to others about their physical appearance from many years ago.
But today, I am learning that I am beautiful inside and out.
I am learning and I am growing.
