My yoga journey officially started as a sophomore in high school while taking a break from my sport. I took unlimited classes for about a month at The Plymouth Yoga Room, and that's where I fell in love with it. My body craved the movements and the sensations. My mind craved peace. Unfortunately, life got in the way, and I slowly forgot about my newfound passion.
Years later as a junior at Michigan State, I was going through a rough patch last semester.
I felt lonely, full of negativity and anxieties. It felt like I had hit rock bottom again. I struggled to love the reflection in the mirror; I hated everything about myself. I blamed myself for the external forces that were put upon me. I picked myself apart until there was nothing left to deconstruct. There was an endless amount of sleepless nights, tired days, staggered breathing, and little eaten. The darkness was a black hole and I was quickly being inhaled by it; powerless to its strength.
I was trapped. This is it, I thought. I accepted defeat.
Then, one day I decided to go to a yoga class with one of my best friends in December. I entered Yoga State with apprehension and nervousness. It had been a long time since I discontinued my practice, but it was calling to me. It drew me in.
Once I entered the studio, the atmosphere felt completely calming. It was as if I left the pain and hurt at the door, and it wasn't allowed to enter in. There was a sense of familiarity and security; the kind you have when you come home after a long day. I had never experienced such solitude. The studio opened its arms and embraced me lovingly.
Vinyasa yoga itself is not for everyone. It is in a room heated to an average of 90 degrees and is an hour and a half long. There are usually three "flows" that the teacher instructs, then there is room to explore. A flow is a cycle of various poses, and it is performed on both sides of the body and at different speeds. At first, I was challenged by my physical and mental limits. The heat continuously jabbed at me, telling me to give up. My body was not used to forming itself to the poses. My mind was in a constant battle; trying to keep up with the pace of the class while battling my own demons.
Then, something changed.
The movements became second-nature, and I was able to move at my own pace. I felt like an artist displaying her work for the whole world to see. Whatever I was feeling, I was allowed to express that. There was no judgment or consequence. It was a safe space from the outside world. My spirit began to unravel itself, and my soul started to shine. But, at the same time, my composure was lost. I cracked like an egg and tears flowed like a river. There was no specific thought that caused it, but it was freeing.
When the class was over, I became enlightened. No feeling can compare to this-- pure bliss. Everything was right in the world. I was where I was supposed to be. I was unaware of how much emotion I was holding in, but I faced it and accepted it. Yoga brought it to the forefront. It said, "This is what is happening in your life right now. I know it is unpleasant; I know it is painful. It is temporary. Let me help you through this experience." Yoga made me realize that I was hurting, I needed solace, but I could get it. The way I could do that was by helping myself heal; that included yoga practice.
Ever since that moment, yoga has become part of my life.
I have never been so intrigued by something before. It is inviting, freeing, and empowering. It is difficult, yet soft. The goal of yoga isn't to nail a pose perfectly or becoming flexible. It is to create a space just for you. It is a space where you can unmask yourself and the protective layers around your heart. What's left is just pure you, and only you. It is to appreciate your existence, your being. Your body, mind, and soul are celebrated.
Yoga teaches you to stay strong despite the adversities. The flow may be difficult, the room may be too hot, the craving for water may be striking, and hair or clothing may be out of place. You must ignore those distractions, and never give up. All of that is temporary, just like our problems in life. Yoga also teaches you that you're incredible. You have such potential: whether you finally hit a handstand, or even just learn how to control your breathing. It's all about the rewards.
The goal of yoga is to love. Not just yourself, but everything around you. It gives you a newfound appreciation for ordinary things. Being able to breathe, move, see, hear; everything is different. It teaches you life is beautiful, and to not ever take advantage of it. Every time I step on the mat, I surrender myself and force myself to face things directly. I'm becoming more accepting, loving, and open to new possibilities.
I have realized that I am continuously growing.
There is always something new to take away from every practice, no matter how big or small. I am not the same person every time I start a flow. I can erase myself and become somebody else, or strengthen that individual. I feel awake. I have a newfound passion and burning fire to live. My anxiety has improved for weeks before. I feel reborn.
