I always say I love other people’s children because, at the end of the day, I don’t have to take them home. For as long as I can remember, I have never wanted kids; the baby fever has been a disease I have never once caught. Growing up and into my early twenties, my friends beamed at the idea of starting a family and having children. They’d see a cute baby and melt at their face, and toes, and little hands. Me, well I was always too focused and committed to just about everything and anything else to really care. From age 15, I babysat and then worked at after school programs and summer camps but the whole idea of raising a child, having full responsibility for another living, breathing human never really interested me.
BUT, ironically there are days, very rare days, where I think about raising someone who looks like me, who laughs like me and smiles like me. I think how special it would be to love someone endlessly. I look at my relationship with my parents and how strong it is and think maybe I could have that without a child. I was raised with such strong values that I would want to pass along, so if that day ever comes and I decide to have a mini me (hopefully a daughter), this is what I would tell her.
I would tell you all the things I wish I knew growing up, some things my parents taught me, and some things I learned along the way. First and foremost, I would remind you every damn day that I love you, way too much, and never enough (as my mom always says). I would remind you that you are the light of my life, my whole world, my little girl. I would teach you to be strong, independent, and a good person. I hope you grow up with strong morals and a voice that has no limit. I hope that I teach you to treat every human being with the same respect, to treat the janitor as you would the CEO. I want to teach you to love yourself, every part of it and to know that you are so beautiful. I want to remind you that although you are beautiful that you are more than just a pretty face, with a cute nose, and a beautiful smile. I don’t want you to think you are defined just by appearances. I want you to know that you can be someone and that you WILL be someone. I want you to know you can move mountains and conquer whatever obstacles are thrown at you. I want you to know that high school is hard, people are bullies, and you are going to get your heart broken but to know it’ll be okay. I want you to know I am always going to want the best for you and I am not always going to know the right way to show it. I hope you will understand that I am only human and I will make mistakes, I will get angry, I will lose my temper, BUT I will always love you. I want to teach you to laugh at your mistakes and to never take anything too seriously, but to be a hard working individual that anyone you love would be proud of. There are so many things I wish for you and I hope one day if I do end up blessing my life with you, that I am able to do all these things for you because you’re special, you’re mine, and you are so worth it.
And lastly, here is what I hope you are never afraid to ask me, to do with me, to count on me for. I hope you never once feel like I don’t love you. I hope you understand that I will make a mistake once in a while, even though mommy is always right. I hope you know you are never too old to snuggle and crawl into my bed when you’re scared, lonely, upset, or happy. I hope you challenge me and make me be a better mother. I hope you feel comfortable talking to me and telling me your problems, your hopes, and dreams. I want you to know that no question is ever stupid and no favor is ever too big. I want you to respect me, but I want you to tell me when I’m being unreasonable even if I don’t agree. I do not for a second want you ever to ever think that I won’t be on your side. Lastly, I hope you’re happy that I am your mom because I know that if this day ever comes, you will be the light of my life, my whole world, and my sunshine.
Sincerely yours,
Maybe your mom one day
