For as long as I can remember I have always been the kind of person that feels the need to plan out every little aspect of their life.
From something as simple as the activities that will make up my day, to where I want to be in two years, I have always been inclined to flawlessly plan out these occurrences.
In some respects, you could say (and I would say so, too) that this need and infatuation with planning things out stems from an obsession to have everything perfect and unraveling smoothly. It is a part of who I am. In various circumstances, I aim to perform to the utmost degree, and get down on myself if I cannot or do not do so. This has been true when it comes to my school-work, job, and life engagements in general.
I'm always thinking of the next step, the next stage in my life. Where am I going to go to school, will I be happy there, who will I be with, what will I do after school, where will I live, who will I end up with. The questions and the planning is endless. Sometimes (as I'm sure you could imagine), it is more detrimental than beneficial, and ends up over-controlling and over-taking me.
Which brings me to what I have most recently come to realize: this stage of my life is called whatever happens, happens.
From what I have just previously explained, I'm sure you would be able to tell that this is a hard concept for me to completely utilize and accept. But, I've been working on it. Every day.
Because the truth is, you can't plan out every aspect of your life. You don't always know where you're gonna be a year down the road, let alone five or 10 years. And I'm sure a lot of people have come to understand that notion, and may even be overly relaxed about it, but understanding and applying this approach is a big step for me personally and I'm glad I have decided to discover it and accept it now.
A lot has changed for me over the past year alone and I can honestly see the changes I have made as a person. Thankfully, these changes have been for the good rather than the bad, but nonetheless I have come to learn that the person I see in the mirror when I wake up every morning is not the same person that did the same last year.
While it is weird to think that so much can change in just a year's time, it really opened my eyes to how much things and plans can change. You don't 100% know what is going to happen in a year. You don't 100% know what is going to happen in 10 years. You don't even 100% know what is going to happen tomorrow.
Plans change. People change. Everything and anything can change. Nothing is promised. And coming to understand this first-hand has honestly been the most refreshing experience.
All the pressure and anxiety I built up focusing on all these plans was truly overwhelming and exhausting. Coming to terms with the fact that whatever happens will happen has been truly cleansing for me and has lifted a tremendous weight off my shoulders.
I know things can change down the road and that they probably will. The only thing we can focus on as individuals is today. Take it one day at a time. Things will unravel the way that they are meant to, when the time is right. It is important to live in the "now" and focus on everything else when the time comes.
Live now. Plan later. That is what I have come to see, anyway.
