We, as women, say a lot of things that mean entirely different things. This is my own personal (and shallow) dictionary of what women (including myself) mean when they say certain phrases.
Disclaimer: no, this list does not apply to all women. Yes, this is mostly sarcastic. Yes, I wrote the article for amusement and to help out some of my guy friends. No, I don't expect everyone to agree with it.
So, without further ado, here is my own personal version of "What women really mean:"
"Do what you want." means "If you do what you want, you will not like how it ends."
"Do you think she's pretty?" means "Lie to me if you think she's pretty."
"Does this make me look fat?" means "Tell me I'm pretty."
"Fine." means "It's not fine. It's not fine at all."
"How do you know her?" means "I really hope y'all didn't have a thing."
"How much do you like/love me?" means "I need a favor."
"I can't even." means "I had Starbucks today, and I watched Mean Girls, and I'm just feeling a lot like a girl."
"I don't care where we eat." means "I don't want to look choosy or picky, but I care where we eat."
"I have nothing to wear." means "I have a lot of things to wear, I'm just not having it with any of these clothing items."
"I just don't want to date anyone right now." means "I want to date someone who is not you."
"I really need to be alone right now." means "Go away or apologize."
"I won't tell anyone." means "I won't tell anyone other than my best friend."
"I'll be ready in five." means "I have no clue when I'll be ready."
"I'm not upset." means "I'm actually really frustrated."
"I'm really not that hungry." means "I don't like whatever you picked and I'm too nice to say anything."
"I'm sorry." means "I'm actually sorry, which means I feel guilty, so please don't bring it back up."
"It's no big deal." means "It literally is a huge deal."
"Literally." means "I need to find away to overdramatize this, because that's how much I care about it."
"Never mind." means "I don't really know how to explain this in a way you'll understand."
"Nothing." means "Something, but I'm going to test you to see how you react."
"So, who is she?" means "Okay, I'm trying really hard to not sound jealous, but I'm actually severely concerned."
"Sorry, I have a boyfriend." means "Sorry, you're not my type."
"We need to..." means "I want to..."
"What are you thinking?" means "I hope you're thinking about me, and if you are, please tell me."
"Where do you want to eat?" means "Give me options, and I'll say no until you say one that I like."
"You don't have to get me anything." means "Please get me something."
