It seems all I ever write is about my mental illnesses, but that's mainly because it impacts how I go about my day. Some days I have it under control, while other days it's an uncontrollable mess. Most of the time I keep it to myself, because I feel like sometimes my friends won't understand what I'm dealing with and that they won't know how to help. This is especially true about my teachers. I don't let them know that I suffer from anxiety and depression in fear of them not understanding, since it's all "in my head" or that they might think that I'm "milking" my mental illnesses and making it all up. But truth be told, I'm not making it up. Mental health is not a top priority in college, and I wish my teachers and professors were more aware of what people struggling with mental illnesses go through on a daily basis. For a better understanding, I'm going to list a few struggles I deal with that I'd want my teachers to understand.

Somedays, It's literally impossible for me to get out of bed.

Unfortunately I'm not being overdramatic about this one. There have been days where I miss full days of class because I can't find the motivation to get out of my bed. Most of the time when I feel like this, the motivation of simply not being behind in a missed class is enough to force myself out of bed. But on those rare occasions, that's not enough.

I'm not lazy.

I put all my effort and energy into my school work, and sometimes it might come off as lazy because it might not be up to their standards, but for me, it's all that I can mentally handle. I stress about it not being good enough, but sometimes I can't seem to care to make it any better.

I'm easily overwhelmed.

I'm in a very projected orientated major, and most of the time I love that. But unfortunately my teachers never coordinate when their class specific projects, so I end up having three different projects due on one week. This is a lot for me, and i have to decide which project I put more effort into, because it's mentally challenging for me to put the same great effort into one project. Sometimes I will even just tune out everything and not be able to start a project because I'm too overwhelmed.

I'm constantly tired.

It's not because I go out and party all night during the week, or stay up to watch Netflix. It's because my anxiety keeps me up late at night and causes my insomnia. When I wake up, I don't feel fully energized, and normally will take a nap during the day because my depression forces me too. It's annoying, but it happens almost daily.

My procrastination is due to depression.

Growing up before my depression, I had everything done before the due date. But as the years have gone on with me suffering from depression, that changed. It's not because I'm lazy and want to put it off. Every fiber in me wants to start projects weeks or days in advance, but my brain is saying to put it off and sleep.

Medications don't always work.

My anxiety medication is only for when I'm feel particularly anxious, and it doesn't always help. The thing about my anxiety is that I get physically sick. There were times in high school where I had to leave school and go home because I could feel myself getting worked up and I knew what was going to happen. It's not something I can control or predict.

I get really irritable.

Sometimes, for literally no reason, I get super irritable and mad, basically at the world. I can't explain it, and it's not something to take personally. I never go off on anyone, but I get very silent and probably suffer from major RBF.

I can't predict when I'll have it all under control.

I'm hoping that over time, I'll be able to manage my anxiety and push through my depression, but I don't see this happening anytime soon. My mental illnesses will most likely last me my entire college career. I wish it wouldn't, but hopefully with time I'll be able to better manage it. But I just hope and pray that my teachers will be patient with me while I battle through.