The antecedent to adolescence. The peak of puberty. The horror of hormones. Twelve. How, I ask you, do we have hover boards and human footprints on the moon, and yet we still have not invented a way to fast-forward through sixth grade? The acne, the boobs, the boys, they all hit you like an oncoming train and leave you alone to make sense of it. But it's not all bad, and looking back most would see that it's a crucial time in our lives. Here are a few things I wish someone told me in my awkward stage (even though I'm sure my angst, tween self wouldn't have listened).
1. Don't waste your time looking up ways to make your boobs bigger, none of them work.
I'm sorry to be the one to break the news to you, but no matter how much red meat you eat or how long you jump up and down without a bra on (yes, that was a real thing) you're stuck. But look on the bright side, you'll never have to worry about buying expensive underwire bras. In fact, save those 32 AAs you have in your dresser because you'll fit into them until you're 20.
2. Makeup is a powerful tool. Use it wisely.
Look champ, the green eyeshadow and the blue mascara is definitely a trademark. It really highlights your, uh, personality. Enjoy the makeup experimentation stage while you can young Jedi, because apparently wearing those colors to a full-time job may cause people to think of you as "unstable". Psh.
3. Don't invest too much time and energy into Hannah Montana.
Let's just say that train goes south real quick.
4. For now, the only boy you need is your dad.
I know that at this age, any boy showing even a shred of interest in you cues the wedding bells in your head. You think that cute skater boy in homeroom could never ever break your heart, huh? Think again. I hate to break it to you pal, but this is only the beginning. So go ahead and stick with the one dude you know will never break your heart (unless of course he takes away your phone).
5. Acne is just a part of life. Don't sweat it.
As surprising it may be, TigerBeat magazine was wrong, and rubbing ground up coffee beans or cold toothpaste on your face will NOT give you skin like Vannessa Hudgens (just a bad rash). There will never be a cureall for pimples, so stop wasting your time trying to hide and cover up every single zit. Trust me, everyone gets them.
6. Being uncool will eventually be cool. Just wait.
By now, you're probably questioning my authority. You're probably thinking I'm crazy. But alas young nerd, times will change. The hipster movement is coming, and it is coming fast. Those ugly Birkenstocks your mom bought you when you wanted Nikes? They will be the most bought shoe of 2016. The glasses? People wear those now even when they don't need them. You little trendsetter you.
7. High school musical is NOT an accurate representation of what high school is actually like.
In other words, hold on to the middle school days. Once they're over, you can't get them back. And trust me when I say that after this, it only gets harder. There is no singing or dancing in the halls of high school and Zac Efron will not be there on the first day to welcome you in. Cherish the recess. Love the light amount of homework. You're at the top of the totem pole right now. NEVER. LET. GO.
8. This won't last forever.
The awkwardness you feel is intense. Sometimes (or all the time) you convince yourself you will be this confused your whole life. But give it some time, and things will start to make sense. It won't be forever, just long enough for your mom to take pictures that will haunt you the rest of your days.