The human condition is such that at some point, we will each experience anxiousness, depression, loneliness, and overwhelming thoughts. It is when this negativity begin to impede a person's lifestyle or thought processes that they begin to classify as a disorder.
Mental illness is isolating. Whether yours is well treated or it takes every bit of your strength to focus on the world around you, you feel misunderstood. Whether you are surrounded by a loving family or you have no one to call a friend, you feel equal parts let down by others and a let-down to others. And, without a doubt, you will come across somebody who does not believe in the struggle that is holding you down like gravity.
For those of you loving the clinically anxious, depressed, or otherwise disordered, we know this is hard for you too. Please understand that you don't understand, but that does not make it any less real, overwhelming, and challenging.
That said, here is what we wish you knew.
When you catch an ocean wave in a jar, it just becomes saltwater.
Disordered thought processes are so often misunderstood because there is no one way to accurately describe what they feel like. You may think you know, or at least can imagine, what depression feels like because you've been sad, but there is so much more at work than what people imagine as "being depressed."
You wouldn't ask a concussed person to do calculus.
Because they can't. Or even if they can, they shouldn't. Yet both mental illness and head injuries affect the brain; why oh why do we only consider the latter a legitimate excuse? We don't want our cognitive or physical abilities to be affected. We want to be able to do all the "normal" things our friends do without a second thought. But sometimes, we just can't- and that's not a cop-out, it's a fact of living with compromised mental health.
Sometimes, we are stuck in a fire breathing smoke instead of oxygen.
Legitimate medical harm can be caused by panic attacks. Thankfully, thankfully, most of the time that is not the case; even still, there are significant effects on the human body resulting from the unwarranted flood of adrenaline. Shortness of breath gives way to dizziness. Nausea gives way to vomiting; shaking legs give way to stumbling. For the rest of the day, or several days following, the person will be drained; oftentimes, panic attacks are followed by a cold due to their effect of suppressing the immune system. Even "mild" panic attacks or moderate bouts of anxiety can make the person experiencing them feel separated from the world around them.
We are not a movie trope.
We live in a day and age where mental illness is equal parts glamorized and dismissed as mere emotion. "Oh my goodness, I'm so OCD," a fully functioning girl says to her friend as she organizes her pens by color. Meanwhile, the person actually suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder is in the bathroom washing her hands until they bleed or trying to fight the overwhelming urges in her head. "The best way to handle mental illness is to fall in love," movies like Silver Lining's Playbook seem to suggest, while Pinterest quotes promise us that the most tearful hearts are the most beautiful. But it's not glamorous, and it certainly is not that easy. Real life is more complex than the stereotypes, so be aware of the impact your seemingly small actions or misconceptions may have.
We don't ask you to fix us, just to love us.
Mental disorders are a burden to not just those affected, but also their loved ones. One day, we can be upbeat, positive, self sufficient, but the next, withdrawn and needy. You may not know what changed, but oftentimes, neither do we. It's a lot to handle, even for the best of friends. Understand that you cannot fix us, nor do we ask you to- but sometimes, it may feel like that. Know that it's okay to take a step back and remind us that you don't have the answers. But please, stay with us and love us if there is love left to give.
One-size-fits-most does not mean "one size fits everyone the same."
A diagnosis of bipolar disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, clinical depression, and the list goes on, is incredibly valuable in determining treatment options as well as simply understanding what we are going through. That said, these disorders do not hit everyone the same way. Some anxious people cannot let their minds rest, constantly over-working and never feeling good enough. Some respond to anxiety by shutting down, unable to think clearly and thus giving up. Some people are affected by a few different disorders, which will change the symptoms. Never accuse somebody of faking their illness just because it doesn't line up with what you believe it should look like.
Mental illness is not a punchline to a joke. It is not made up for attention. It is not a manipulative tool. It is a debilitating, surprisingly common, scientifically accepted obstacle riddled with misconceptions. Disordered mental processes affect not only the individual, interfering with almost every aspect of their lifestyle, but also puts strain on his or her relationships.
That said, the person is not defined by the illness. Anxiety is not synonymous with cowardice. Depression is not a fancy term for dramatic; eating disorders do not make her narcissistic; obsessive compulsive disorder is so far beyond being set in his ways.
The challenges mental illness presents have such a significant impact on those affected that they can forget they are destined for something greater than prescriptions and panic attacks. There is life, and relationships, and value, beyond disordered ways of thinking, and the support of those we love is a welcome reminder of why life is so worth living.
