"I'm so glad I don't have to talk to you all the time." That may sound like an insult, but for those blessed individuals who experience true, comfortable friendship with someone, this phrase makes total sense. My best friend Katie said this to me the other day when I came to visit her. We hadn't seen one another in three weeks. During those three weeks, we had not called each other, and the amount of texts exchanged between us could be counted on one hand. And yet, our friendship is no weaker for it.
Friendship. It's a concept seen everywhere in society, yet true friendship is scarce. This isn't just a new concept. This isn't (although it partially could be) because millennials are too absorbed in their social media life to pour into genuine, real-life relationships. I recently started reading a book by C.S Lewis called, "The Four Loves." In this book, he spends the most time discussing the love of friendship. He describes the easy-going relationship I earlier described with my friend Katie. To summarize his writing, Lewis states that deep friends don't have to apologize to one another, keep up appearances, or maintain formalities often exchanged between acquaintances. For example, true friends rarely thank one another for picking up the lunch tab, driving out of their way to come see them, or watching their kids without getting paid. These things, though they perhaps look like favors which deserve recognition from an outsider, do not require acknowledgment. Why? Because, they are just the things one does for someone with whom they share a deep, unromantic love. They aren't difficult tasks, they are easy to do when motivated by a friendship love. These things are a pleasure to do for our friends, we wouldn't think twice about them. We do them without being asked and without being thanked. I'm convinced that when two individuals who were meant to be friends develop a relationship, it doesn't require work. No reminders are required, and there is rarely any pain involved because of the other person.
Lewis points out that while biologically speaking, friendship is not necessary for our survival, it is necessary for our sanity. Some people spend their lives trying to "find friends" because they dread loneliness or not fitting in. But much like romantic love, more often than not, genuine friendships are not found: they find us. Oftentimes, in a large group of casual friends, a few will find that they share interests and personality similarities which make them feel closer to one another than with the whole group of friends. Even when one finds that they share a close bond with a particular person, there is always room for more friendship. Lewis also states that when true friendship is experienced between a close circle of people, there is no jealousy involved. Different people are capable of bringing out different strengths in a person, and the surroundings friends are delighted to witness these things which can be brought to the surface by different friends.
Few can make me laugh as hard as Pricilla can. Sasha always gives me sage advice and reminds me of what is important. Katie knows me better than anyone else, and I feel at home when I am with her. Malory isn't afraid to call me out, and she encourages me when things become difficult. Victoria helps me to look at things from a new perspective and often challenges me to try new things. Rebecca helps me to mellow and be gentle. Macy makes it impossible to be sad when I am with her. Kenny teaches me to lighten up and goof off. Caroline helps me to be joyful and thankful and to look for opportunities to demonstrate kindness. Were it not for the presence of each close friend in my life, I don't think I would be as complete of a person. These men and women in my life bring to fruition different aspects of me I sometimes didn't know existed until I met them, and I'm so grateful for that.
If you have a real friend or friends in your life, cherish them. Though most everyone knows what it's like to share in activities with other pleasant people, find folks with whom a relationship is easy and long-lasting, isn't common. What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth and share it. - C.S Lewis
