Picture the person you can’t get enough of. You’re infatuated by them, you feel for them, you put them on a golden pedestal. You treat their heartbreak as your hardship, their hardships as your problems, and their problems as yours to solve. They’re intelligent, they’re hilarious, and they’re stunning; they’re your idea of the “perfect” person. He’s your boyfriend, she’s your best friend, he’s the guy you met last week, she’s the girl across the room in your writing class. In our minds, we turn these people into more than what they are – human. Not only human, but one of 7 billion humans on Earth. And often, we hardly even know them.
“What a treacherous thing to believe that a person is more than a person” – John Green, Paper Towns
This line is a reflection of the tendency to see someone as very different from what they really are. For those who are unfamiliar with John Green’s novel “Paper Towns”, the protagonist Quentin is a friendly teenage boy who has held a deep love for his mysterious, rebellious neighbor Margo since, well, forever. However, they aren’t friends. They just share a few moments that Quentin holds as very significant in his life. These few moments built a shining pedestal in Quentin’s mind, of which he places Margo at the top of. Think he’s crazy? We’ve all done it. However, maybe we haven’t all experienced what happens next.
In the book, looking for a thrill, Margo runs away from home. Seeing this as his opportunity to save Margo and win her heart, through a length of trials & tribulations, Quentin sets out to find Margo. He builds up in his head a glorious reunion in which he saves Margo, a distressed and lonely damsel, and valiantly brings her home after traveling cross-country to bring her to safety. To his delight, *SPOILER ALERT*, he finds her. However, quite the opposite of his imagination occurs. Margo is ungrateful, and quite frankly confused as to why Quentin has come. She had no desire to see the people she left behind, and Quentin, despite his valiancy, was no exception. At this point, Quentin’s dreams shatter and he is faced with the reality that the Margo he was searching for, that he spent his life fixated on, is very different from the real Margo. This Margo certainly does not see Quentin the way he sees her.
You choose to overlook their flaws. They can do no wrong. You’ll never cease to defend them. But what have they done for you? This is the ongoing, blind-sided reality that we face with those we see as more than a person. It’s easy to get caught up in the lust, until they treat us like we never imagined they would. Like receiving your first pair of glasses, you finally see their flaws. You finally see their intentions which you previously misperceived.
You finally feel the damage they can cause first hand, and you realize they’re less than the perfect person you imagined them to be. So what does this make them? Well, what they were all along; simply human. Sometimes we never come to see this until it’s too late. Until your world comes shattering down, as you had built it around this seemingly magnificent person. And in the blink of an eye, this person becomes just a person. As they should be. But for some reason, it breaks your heart. Because in your perfect world, they were anything else. Your mind finally tears down the wall you built to prevent the fantasies from escaping.
Not only does this inane habit of ours pertain to our most prized acquaintances and relationships, but also to our everyday understanding of life. This is the same mindset we use when we imagine our dream wedding, our perfect significant other, or our dream job. We turn movies, stories, and celebrities’ lives into impossible expectations for ourselves to naturally look like models, to win over everyone’s heart, and for a person to be more than a person.
However, this is not to say we should strip humans down to being just human, as if it’s belittling them. It would be cold-hearted to disregard humans as what they truly are; a soul that wants, cares, desires, and needs. Humans are amazing, unique individuals that deserve to be appreciated, but don’t deserve to be idolized.
Setting expectations for a person is a very treacherous thing, as the second you notice that person not living up to your wants and needs, you feel let down. Don’t be afraid to build relationships or share your feelings, as it’s such a distinctive aspect of life. However, build these relationships and feelings on things like love, respect, loyalty, and understanding. Ask yourself if these are prevalent in your relationships with the people you hold closest in your heart. Because often the superficial aspects of life are what get us caught up. These are the things that will lead us to the earth-shattering heartbreak that is the realization that Mr. Perfect is made up of the same chemical composition as John Doe.
