I am pale, like don't step outside or else you're gonna die for sure pale. I also have social anxiety, so the combination of the two creates chaos for me on a daily basis. Picture this: your face goes really red really quickly, your heart rate goes from a nice 60bpm to it leaping out your chest and running away, you're paralyzed and you'll probably start crying if you have to make any sort of direct eye contact with anyone. Natural chaos. Some of the questions in your head are, "Oh no please don't come near me. I can't do this. I'm dying. I'm dead" and then "Hi, I'm Liseet..mmmyup" and then you just kind of walk away. Like how much can you talk about how's your day going?
If you're anything like me you probably need some help to get through life and especially college. If you haven't quite gotten there yet, don't worry, here's some help to get you through if you're terrified of people...
1. Legitimize Your Feelings And Go From There
It's okay to be human. Repeat this to yourself until you start to believe it. It's a true statement and should be a true belief. Life isn't easy especially when you have an anxiety disorder and it isn't useful to beat yourself up over it. The first step is to accept your feelings, but don't let them take over your life. You can live your life terrified of interaction, but you will experience so much more freedom if you keep trying. Of course, this is not to say that you can just get over and conquer anxiety, you will live with anxiety for the rest of your life (just like any other mental illness) However, there are things to make the process easier. Take on talking to people at your own pace, if it's too much one day don't pressure yourself into it. Instead take time for yourself and prepare for a time when you are ready to try and face your social anxiety.
2. Find A Technique That Helps You Calm Down
This goes for everyday life with someone who struggles with anxiety. You know that feeling when you have to much homework or when you go into an ice cream shop and everything is just too much. Sometimes in life you just need a second. Like how else do you decide between cookie dough and mint chocolate chip? Answer: you don't, you get both. But in all seriousness take time for yourself. Whether it's in between classes or at a party find somewhere to sit down and relax. All my classes are back to back. Sometimes when I get overwhelmed I sit on a bench and bury my head in my hands and count down from a minute. If I don't have time to sit down I listen to music or play a game on my phone to distract myself. It's all about what works for you. Sometimes you might be doing great interacting with people, but it is imperative that you are gentle with yourself and take time to relax.
Another really useful thing that I use whenever I have a big event or presentation I am a part of is finding the things that I am thankful for. I start at 10 and go down. Sometimes you just need to remind yourself of the positives in your life. For example: 10. The fact Chex-Mix exists 9. There is a doughnut shop less than a mile from my dorm 8. I live in the best state in the country (go blue) 7. I have friends that love and support me 6. I go to a great school that cares about my well being 5. Hope Sail (fire up dutch) 4. I have ice cream in my freezer right now... and so on.
Overall find what is best for you and helps you relax, whether it is thankfulness or just easy breathing exercises.
3. Build On Bravery
Start small. Sometimes when you build enough confidence it is easy to rush out onto the battlefield, but it is also really easy to be wounded and come running back. Again there are times when everything is overwhelming. Create goals. Find out what you want to achieve in your journey with anxiety and build upon it. Whether it is calling people on the phone or going to a party put yourself out there. If the first time everything goes horribly wrong... keep practicing (at your own pace).
4. Have a Partner In Crime
If your goals still seem like too much, have someone supporting you while you face them. Sometimes it is comforting just having someone stand next to you and be there over anything else. They can also guide the conversations and give you mental support along the way.
5. Scope Out Your Surroundings
In other words look outward instead of inward. People love talking about themselves. Instead of analyzing everything about yourself, ask questions about others and try to relate to them. If your at an event talk about the event or find a common interest. It is absolutely okay, if you're in a group, to let the conversation go on until you find you're able to speak up. If lose things to ask them about try complementing them or get into an activity your suppose to be doing (ex. like if there's a ping pong table play that... or whatever young hip kids do nowadays).
6. Don't Let Your Imagination Run Wild
It's easy to think that everyone is looking at you. It's also easy to over analyze everything you said and question it. Try to focus on the fact that you did something that made you uncomfortable and your working on life. Celebrate the little things. Remember your goals. The fact is that they are probably thinking about themselves more than they are thinking about you.
7. Live Your Life!
Life is hard and goals take time. Do things that you want to do. Pet a dog, eat some chocolate, go sailing... it's whatever. Don't focus too much on yourself, but rather the all the opportunities that you have and what life has already blessed you with. And remember....
Go Dutch!!
Love Hope? Request to join Odyssey at Hope College!
