2016 America is really weird.

First, we have an election that could make or break our political system as a whole. Next, 90's clothing is coming back, and I can finally resurrect that one choker that I have had at the bottom of my jewelry box for 12 years. There is a drought, and really famous people that we know and love are dying. But no one prepared us for the clowns. Why are there clowns you may ask? I have no clue but they are really freaking me out, man. So here, in what seems like a real life version of the Purge or the apocalypse are things you can do if you see one of these face painted- red nose wearing weirdos.

Scream

If you scream loud enough maybe it will scare them away. They are human too (I think), and they should feel awkward if you are just standing there motionless screaming. Don't forget to not blink, if you can freak out the clown, they won't be able to freak out you.

Call A Friend/911

Make sure someone else knows what you are seeing. Also if the clown attacks you then you have someone that knows that you have been attacked by a clown. If you are in seriously danger call 911. Seriously tho.

Release Mice

Clowns are notoriously afraid of mice, they are so much larger than them, that they will cower in fear and leave your alone.... oh wait that's elephants.

Stop. Drop. And Roll

In elementary school they taught us that this would come in handy in life. I have yet to use this technique but I have a feeling that it would be very effective against a clown attack. It confuses them and they will run back into the forest.

Draw A Personal Bubble

Everyone knows that clowns cannot cross a line in the ground. Therefore, if you form a circle around you, they will not be able to corss and you will be safe. I cannot garuntee that they won't circle for hours, so make sure you have snacks and an empty bladder.

Play Nickelback

This is where I hope you have Pandora or Apple Music, because who has Nickelback music still? Nickelback will disorient the clowns and they will get blurry vision. This is most helpful when they are carrying a weapon. When the sweet pipes of Chad Kroeger come out of your phone, this is your time to run.

Wear A Clown Mask Yourself

If they see another clown they won't attack. This is the Warm Bodies approach. If you are accepted as one of them, you won't be hurt by them. Join the movement, become a clown. Don't really do that, that would be really scary and I would probably cry at the sight of a mob of clowns.

Now, you are ready to face any clown that runs your way.

Stay safe, stay informed.