I had no idea that the moment I met him, it would be the beginning of one hell of a ride. Not when we started talking about our families, or our hobbies, it never occurred to me that he would be the one.

Or so I thought. You instilled a permanent feeling of worthlessness and emptiness in me, and to this day, you have the power of making me feel sick to my stomach every time your name is mentioned or I see you driving around town. This letter isn’t to try and punish you for what you did to me, or expose you for what you put me through- because I would never want anyone in the pain you put me in. Thank you for showing me exactly what I will warn my future kids about. Thank you for teaching me that I deserve better, because I do.

But you, you were my first love and that will never change. That was enough for me. I didn’t know that what you were doing was corrupt. I thought being controlling was out of love, and it was romantic how you wanted me to keep to myself.

Don’t get me wrong, you made me happy at first. You took me on dates, showed me off, and even got me a promise ring. That was before you nearly went insane, then you shattered my heart so many times, I thought I would never feel whole again. I don’t know what it was, why couldn’t I escape? Maybe I didn’t want to start over, or maybe I was horrified at the thought of seeing you with anyone else, but I cried every day because of you and that’s when I knew I had to leave. My family saw it, my friends saw it, then even my closest friends dropped like flies because of you. Again, this letter isn’t to punish you for everything you did, but it is for myself. I’m finally letting go, after a long 20 months of being manipulated, controlled, and abused. You’re out of my life and I am ultimately moving on- because I have to.

I am a firm believer in God’s plan and power to heal. We may not always see that in the moment but faith is trusting in God and knowing his love for us goes beyond what we can imagine.

He showed me what I deserve. I don’t know how, and I will never question it, but I can completely and honestly say: one day I woke up and I understood. I understood that I was in a toxic relationship and I had to leave, so I did. Now I’ve moved on.

This boy is the one you brought me to, so thank you. Thank you for letting me pick up my broken pieces and put them back together with the help of my new love. He shows me what I deserve and you are nothing compared to him.

So this is me saying goodbye.

I’ve let go, and I’ve moved on to far better things, and I've forgiven myself. Lastly, from the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best of luck in life. I sincerely hope you find someone good for you.