If you are a hypochondriac like I am, you probably have the WebMD app on your phone. This app allows the user to put in all the symptoms he or she is experiencing, then gives a list of possible diagnoses that he or she might get if visiting a real doctor and presenting with these symptoms. This app is a beautiful thing with one fatal flaw: it often gives diagnoses that are ridiculously over the top.
The virtual “doctor", at some point, has diagnosed everyone who has used this app with cancer or a rare disease. While the app clearly states that it is not meant to provide definitive diagnoses, and that it is always best to see a human doctor, sometimes we just don't have time in college, and need to trust this virtual physician.
This week, I decided to put in some of the symptoms of the most common illnesses we college kids experience, and I found some pretty bizarre diagnoses. Here are the results:
Symptoms: Headache, Nausea
When I put in these common symptoms that often come together, I got some pretty serious results. While common illnesses like migraine headache and stomach bug were also in my list of possible diagnoses, this handy app also told me that I could have a brain aneurism, carbon monoxide poisoning, mumps or an allergic reaction to Botox. Nothing like thinking you might be about to die to start off a day with a stomachache!
Symptoms: Sore throat, Fever
Like before, when I tested these symptoms, I also got common illnesses like the common cold and strep throat. However, after these options, things got real serious, real quick. The app warned me that I could have possibly been exposed to anthrax, measles or Lyme disease. Ugh, now I don't know if I should just get some cough drops and take Advil, or if I should call an ambulance for myself right away. The struggle.
Symptoms: Chest discomfort
Ever eat Taco Bell too close to bedtime and wake up with the worst heartburn ever? Well, I put the symptoms of this exact problem into the trusty WebMD app, and did it suggest that I had heartburn? Nope, not at all. Hypochondriacs, beware when you are experiencing the symptoms of sleeping with too much cheap Mexican food in your belly, because WebMD has other ideas. According to our virtual doctor friend, in this scenario, you either have a blood clot in your lungs, swelling in your chest cavity or are experiencing a heart attack. Please seek prompt medical attention, all thanks to that extra Doritos Locos taco.
Symptoms: Stuffy nose, difficulty breathing through nose, runny nose
Have you ever woken up with a stuffy nose and said, “Oh dang, it's allergy season. I must be having allergy symptoms!" Well, not so fast! According to the WebMD symptom checker, you currently have West Nile Virus, have a foreign object in your nose or are abusing narcotics. Well, that escalated quickly. You might want to take the necessary corrective steps ASAP.
While the WebMD app specifically states that its symptom checker tool should not, in any way, be used for self-diagnosis, sometimes one wonders why it's even a useful tool. For hypochondriacs wondering what could be wrong with every cough or sneeze, this app is a double-edged sword. While often it gives helpful insight as to what may or may not be wrong, equally as frequently, it tells the user that he or she has a terminal illness. Use the WebMD app at your own risk, hypochondriacs. An innocent look up of the symptoms of strep might lead you to believe you need to start composing your will!
