The summer before I started college, I read at least three or four college guidebooks. I read all the books cover to cover, but I paid special attention to the parts about roommates. I was assigned my roommate in July, and even though she seemed amazing, I was terrified. I somehow thought I would arrive at college and she would be a monster, or worse, that I would be the monster roommate and ruin everything.

Fortunately my first impression was right, my roommate was wonderful. Though on paper we don’t make much sense (I’m a theatre major and she’s business), she has become my best friend. However, there is so much I have learned about being a roommate that was never explicitly stated in my many guidebooks. These things may seem obvious for some, but I think they need to be stated just one time, for that nervous soon-to-be-roommate out there.

1) Don’t judge. Just don’t.

Living together, there are bound to be some things that frustrate you that came up at some point. Once you start judging those little things, it’s like a sink dripping. It might not look like much, but it quickly builds up to gallons of water, or in this case, frustration. So save yourself the time, don’t nitpick about things.

2) Imagining what will happen won’t help anyone.

A lot of people (myself included) have a habit of imagining all the possible ways something could turn out. We can work ourselves into a nervous state about what may happen and when it finally does happen, it’s a non-event. Don’t worry about the things that could happen with your roommate. As a college student, you have enough on your plate to worry about without adding on your imaginary future concerns.

3) Better to ask first.

The old phrase “better to ask forgiveness after than permission before” may work sometimes, but not with a roommate. If you go around your roommate and do things that affect both of you without giving them warning, eventually it's going to start creating issues. It’s highly unlikely your roommate will say no to your requests if you ask first and in turn they will talk to you when they do things that could affect you. That way neither of you are blindsided with something (or someone) you didn’t expect.

4) Talk early and often.

Don’t wait until you have gotten to school to talk. Start an early dialogue with them, ask questions about each other, and get to know each other a bit before you move in. Instead of arriving to live with a stranger, it will feel like meeting a pen pal, someone you know well enough to be comfortable with, despite a prior physical distance.

5) Find a common interest.

This doesn’t have to be something huge, like your major. It can be something simple and small that doesn’t even effect your day to day life. For example, a few weeks into talking my roommate and I realized we both really love the Harry Potter series, and that they are our go-to feel better books. Finding out that we both loved to read these books to make us feel better was something that, though seemingly unimportant, was one of the first strong bonds in our friendship.

6) Celebrate with them.

When you first arrive at college, you are desperate to make a name for yourself, While this can be difficult at first eventually you and your roommate will succeed. The first time I got into a play at my college my roommate was so excited that she went outside and quite literally jumped for joy. I was never worried that one of us being successful would damage our friendship, because we both always were genuinely happy for each others victories.

7) Love the little things.

Try to notice and appreciate those little things that make your roommate unique and wonderful. Mine had a couple cute stuffed animals that she leaves around, and if I purposefully did something to tease or annoy her, she would jokingly throw them at me. Instead of thinking that is weird, or ignoring the fact that she had killer aim, I chose to define these habits as purely awesome, because they, along with a million other little things, made her who she is.

8) Actually be there for each other.

You can always encourage and support your roommate, but physically being around for them is something that can strengthen your bond. My roommate was a varsity athlete and every time she had a home game I would go, even if I could only be there for 15 minutes. A couple weeks ago my roommate mentioned to my mom (more on that later) that she always knew I'd be there at her home games. I took those times for granted, but to her, my physically being there meant a lot.

9) Try not to force it.

Not every roommate pairing is going to be a natural fit, but don't change who you are to accommodate them. Many people are so desperate to be friends with their roommate that they change the way they act. Eventually, this is going to damage your relationship as you will get tired of pretending and feel like you aren’t good enough as yourself. But you will never know how strong your relationship can be if you never give your roommate a chance to know the real you.

10) Get to know the family.

Having an established relationship with your roommates parents, even just a bit, will help immensely in tough times. If something happens to your roommate, like if they miss home horribly, or maybe need to go to the hospital, you will probably need to talk to their parents. When things like that happened I felt it was easy to talk comfortably to her parents, knowing that they know me well and could trust me to take care of their daughter when they couldn’t be there.

11) Let them influence you.

To be clear-I do not mean negatively. Do not go jump off a bridge because your roommate did. But learn from them, and let their role in your life change you. My roommate managed to make me open up more and be comfortable and happy in my own skin. She didn't try to change me on purpose, she just is the type of person who is unafraid to care about everyone, and by living with her I learned how to care about those around me too, something that has made me a much better and stronger person today.

I know these things all sort of seem like no-brainers. Of course you aren’t going to judge them. Of course you’ll love them, and of course you’ll learn from them and all those other things? Right? Maybe, but it’s not always so easy. Sometimes, or at least if you’re like me, you have to get out of your own way and let this person in. Your roommate is going to share your life with you for the next year (or more) in some capacity or another. They will be the first person you see in the morning and the last person you see at night. It’s your choice in the end, to fight them or embrace them. But trust me, whatever path you and your roommate take, they will change your life forever. But hey, isn’t that what college is all about?