Living with anxiety is far from easy. It often consists of late nights of over-thinking, crippling symptoms, and constant worrying. If you know or love someone with anxiety disorder, it can be very hard to understand what they are going through. Here are some things people with anxiety disorder want you to know.
1. This is real
Please don't write me off as being over-dramatic. This is not me trying to get attention, and it is definitely not something I want to be dealing with. Please don't say "Are you really panicking over that?" or "Relax, it's not that big of a deal." We know it's not a big deal, but for some reason our body and our mind tells us that it is. This is an internal battle. Let us figure that out on our own. Do not try to tell us our emotions aren't valid. We know we are being unreasonable, but we can't help it. Being told that just makes us feel as if we are crazy. It's not uncommon for someone with anxiety disorder to panic over things that may seem trivial to someone else. Just offer us comfort and support instead of trying to talk us out of it.
2. Please just be there.
Please just be there for us. You don't even have to say a word. Just hold or hug us. We love you, and when you are there for us it is very comforting. Believe it or not, your comfort will help us to calm down quicker. Often times, we deal with panic when we are all alone, which can make us feel very isolated, but with you by our side, we don't feel so alone in this. You don't even have to say a single word. In fact, it may be better if you don't. Sometimes, when you verbally try to calm us down, it is counter-productive. You don't always know exactly what to say, and that's understandable. Just realize that it's okay to not say a word—just being there is sometimes all we need.
3. This has nothing to do with you.
Anxiety does not always manifest in the usual panic attack. Sometimes anxiety can cause fits of anger and frustration. We really do not mean to take it out on you, and trust me when I say that we feel incredibly guilty after we have calmed down. Thank you for putting up with it. Sometimes, we don't even know where our anxiety is stemming from, so please don't ever blame yourself for it. Having to constantly deal with anxiety issues sometimes makes us feel like we are a burden on you. When things get really bad, we may even question why you even love us. Please just reassure us. Constant reassurance is truly comforting. Let us know that you love us, that you understand that this is not our fault, and that you are not going to leave us because if it. This reassurance is exactly what we need from the people we love the most.
4. Please don't invalidate our emotions.
Sometimes, when we are angry and frustrated with you, it's not because we feel like being a bitch. A lot of the times, it's because we are in the middle of panicking. Just because you can't see me physically shaking, sweating, or hyperventilating, that doesn't mean I'm not panicking. A lot of panicking is simply in our heads. Don't just write this off as us being over-dramatic. Your invalidation will cause us to panic even more. It also cause a deep sense of loneliness. It makes us feel like nobody truly understands. This will cause us to turn to you for support less and less and ultimately retreat into our own heads.
5. We are grateful.
Thank you for putting up with us. We know how difficult we can be and we know how frustrating it may be dealing with someone who is constantly worried or afraid. All that time you spent holding us when we were shaking, helped us take a deep breath, and cried with us are all part of the reason why we are growing stronger every day. Your support has meant the world to us and there are no words for how truly thankful we really are.
Living with anxiety disorder is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, but having your support and love helping me through makes all the difference.
