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What Your Penis Says About You

Literally.

Jared Grumney

Jun 29, 2019

The Ohio State University

258

live.staticflickr.com

It has a head, so why wouldn't it have a brain! You've probably heard the phrase "If penises could talk..." Well! They did! Here are some confessionals from penii around the world. They chose to remain anonymous, so I will uphold that and provide protection.

"Wash me, idiot."

You know that smell that only the crotch area has? They don't enjoy that. Use soap and water! They said it's not gay!

"They keep beating me, and I don't know what to do about it."

Penises have feelings too! Give them a break every now and then. Pornhub can wait.

"Consent is mandatory."

Every single one I interviewed said that they do not enjoy nonconsensual sex, and if they weren't attached, they would leave. Get consent every time.

"Do they think it's weird that I curve?"

I think not! Every one is different, and like the classic expression goes, "It's not the size of the boat, it's the importance of the clitoris."

"Trim the hedges."

Keep them maintained! You don't want your home lawn overgrown, so why would you let your own lawn get out of control?

"I don't care where you put me, as long as you wrap me up."

Don't you wish you had a full body suit that one time you and your friends crawled through the sewers? Same deal! And, no, it doesn't feel different for them, that's all in your brain. They really, really don't like an STI. Especially if you don't get tested. Know your status!

And there you have it! I hope that you will take these to heart and remember to take care of your penis. Also, regardless of genitalia, trans men are men, and trans women are women!

25 Beatles Lyrics: Your Go-To Guide for Every Situation

The Best Lines from the Fab Four

SUNY Binghamton

36468

Wikipedia Commons

For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

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best beatles lyrics

Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Smith College

99697

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

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Recommended for you

What Your Penis Says About You

Literally.

"Wash me, idiot."

"They keep beating me, and I don't know what to do about it."

"Consent is mandatory."

"Do they think it's weird that I curve?"

"Trim the hedges."

"I don't care where you put me, as long as you wrap me up."

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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