Up-dos are in, but they make me feel down.
Generally, in an attempt to maintain my frizzy, curly hair, I throw it up into a messy bun. It's perfect for every day. It's perfect for me to run errands in, go to work in and to go to class in. I loved messy buns so much that I probably wore it up like that for a year straight. If I wore my hair down, I looked like an entirely different person. Wearing your hair up is freeing and liberating. You don't have random hairs in your face that distract you throughout the day. It's the ideal way to go about my day.
But two years ago, I noticed something different about my face. I felt chubbier. My body felt like it didn't belong to me. To go from being a size 2, to being a size 14 made me feel embarrassed and ashamed of my body. At the time, the size 14 version of me wasn't worthy of shorts, or for that matter, wearing a bun.
To me, a bun was too revealing. It showed how chubby my face has gotten. It showed my barely-there double chin. It showed my chubby cheeks. It exposed my shoulders and my chest. It exposed everything about my body that I didn't like. Wearing my hair down provided me a shield. If I could wear my hair down, it would cover parts of my face that I wanted to hide.
Polycystic Ovary Syndrome has taught me numerous things about my body. It's taught me all about my body and the way that it works. It taught me about the support that I need to be successful. But the most important thing that it taught me is that whether I'm a size 28, 14, or 2, I'm worthy of life, happiness, and acceptance. That I'm worthy of support, love, and friendships. And to this day, I believe that the reason I have PCOS is to teach me that regardless of my size or perception of my body, that I'm still beautiful, and weight will never get in the way of that.
