If you have a generally healthy relationship with your mom, chances are she drives you nuts. Like in a good way (Hi Mom).

Your weekly phone calls probably consist of some reminders. "You need to schedule your dentist's appointment tomorrow" and some questions like "Did you actually call the dentist or are you just saying you did?" More than likely, she gives you updates on the latest gossip around town like, "So and so's mother paid for his cell phone fine in pennies at the school," but she also wants to know about your drama as well."How many beers did you say that she drank?!"

We can't help but adore our little spitfire mamas who care so much about us, but deep down, we know that they would just die if they really knew how we survived while away at college. Some things really are better left unsaid.

I have taken the time to imagine what my mama would say if she spent the day with me on my terms purely for your enjoyment — and her horror.

1. "Why are you still in bed?! Your class starts in eight minutes!"

Oh, ye of little faith. I know exactly what time my class starts and I actually have three more minutes before my alarm goes off thank you very much. I don't think you understand that I slept in the clothes I am going to class in.

2. "At least iron your shirt! It's wrinkled!"

Mom, I don't even know why you bought me that iron freshman year. I tried making a grilled cheese sandwich with it one time just for kicks and it kind of worked, but there's not even one tiny chance that it's going to touch this DHS Class of 2013 t-shirt with a hole in the shoulder.

3. "How long has your truck been running on E?"

I get paid tomorrow so...about four days.

4. "Shouldn't you be taking notes on what he's saying?"

Probably, but Katie has this class too and I know she's taking notes. Also, I haven't looked at Twitter since I woke up so I need to do that.

5. "I don't think you need that second cup of coffee — it'll make you all jittery."

I haven't been jittery in years. I don't even know what that feels like anymore and I'm not really socially present until at least the fourth one. I would be doing a disservice to my classmates if I stopped now.

6. "Don't you have another class soon?"

It's kind of up in the air right now.

7. "You look tired honey."

No no no, tired is not what I am. Do you see these bags under my eyes? The ones you can poke with a stick? These scream post rigor mortus.

8. "Why are you eating those nachos?!"

I know what you're thinking Mom, but trust me, they're not that old. They've been in the refrigerator since I brought them home from Fuzzy's. That's more than I can say for a lot of the leftover pizza I've eaten. I know two weeks seems like a long time to keep food but I've done this before and it's not a big deal.

9. "Why are you using Kleenexes for toilet paper?!"

Desperate times woman.

10. "Should you really be starting another episode? It's 2 a.m."

Of course, I shouldn't start another episode. However, that has literally never stopped me before and Mama didn't raise no quitter.