College is a wonderfully weird experience. Coming from high school, where the school system basically does everything in their power to shelter you from the “dangers” of the real world, it’s so incredibly odd to face a world which is completely liberal and free in its nature, where I have the opportunity to fully become my own person, to make decisions outside my parents’ opinions, to manage my finances to fit my preferences, to spend my time to match my priorities.
My first year college experience so far can be described in one word: foreign. Something about being alone for the first time in your life, four hours away from your family gives you an incredible culture shock.
The second my parents left me, the first thought that crossed my mind was “OH MY GOD. I’M ALONE.” For the first time in my life, I was living as an independent being. I had a tiny bit of anxiety, but I was mostly overwhelmed with exhilaration. This is the first time of my life that I could do anything that I wanted to without my parents’ regulation. I began to run errands and with every step I took, I let it soak in that I was living. I was breathing. I was an individual, independent and separate from any other being or object in the world. As annoyingly poetic as it sounds, it could not be more true in that moment. I finished my three errands, alone, in the middle of a city I wasn’t too familiar with, and I was so proud that I was alive. The fact that I was actually living on my own blew my fragile little mind.
The fresh taste of independence is a flavor that I hope lasts long and strong. And when it runs out, I hope that it forever remains imprinted in my memory, because it is the most exhilarating and euphoric feeling I have ever experienced in my life. The fact that I never have to tell my parents where I’m going before I leave my room or get permission to do things I wish to do is the most freeing thing to me. Being able to make my own decisions and act upon them with no intermediate decider is a tremendous shift in my life. I no longer feel like I’m “Reese plus my parents,” now I have the free will to go out into the world with only myself to protect me and although it sounds scary, I feel like I’ve had 18 years of my life leading up to this moment. 18 years of the monotonous and familiar feeling of never being fully a person and not even knowing it because it was the only thing you knew. That’s what makes this experience so foreign. There’s no feeling like this in the world. Everything from walking to class on my own will to casually going on road trips with my friends without permission gives me such giddy exhilaration in the most nerdy and stupid way possible and I love it. I can’t wait for the future.
