I decided to try a long distance relationship when we only had three months together before the long distance started.

I didn’t start dating my boyfriend until close to the end of my senior year of high school. He asked me to prom, and about two weeks later we were an ‘official’ couple, trying desperately to ignore the fact that I’d be moving to the U.S. and he’d be moving across Canada to Toronto. We had a three hour time difference. We had at least a nine hour distance to travel by flight (including connections because one can’t fly from Toronto directly to Walla Walla or vice versa). Because of all this, the relationship seemed, tragically, destined to fail.

So, for almost the entirety of summer, we decided to ignore the fact that we had to go our separate ways, and when we did talk about it, the conversation was brief. By the end of it, we decided we may as well try long distance.

Now, I wouldn’t say this was an easy feat- it actually got harder over time. At first, we were new to university life, it was exciting, and we were engrossed in our studies and homework and friendships. But by the time midterms rolled around, there was a little tension here and there caused by disagreements that never actually escalated into fights, and being apart from each other became something that was hard to face.

Despite the fact that we were living separate lives, we managed to Facetime almost every day, no matter how brief. I wouldn’t have tried this long distance relationship had I not completely trusted my boyfriend, and if I didn’t see some potential in him. I wouldn’t have tried the relationship had my boyfriend not been respectful, or if we fought a lot, or if our relationship was only physical. By Facetiming, we actually grew closer, which taught me about myself, as well as about communicating with other people. Since we couldn’t be with each other (we couldn’t hold hands, or hug, or even go for a walk together), talking to each other was the only way we could properly connect without barriers.

From this, I learned how to manage my time better- to talk to my boyfriend, I had to plan my homework and study time and succeed, because if I didn’t do well in classes, I wouldn’t be able to talk to him. I learned what made me feel argumentative, what times of days I was most willing to talk, and how to work around another person’s schedule. I learned that being successful in school was just as important as making time for a person that I cared about, because if I didn’t do well, I didn’t really deserve to spend my free time talking.

We both went home for Christmas break, and got to see each other. But now that we’re back at school, we’re back to Facetiming and time differences. It’s hard to go back to this, but I’m anticipating that I will continue to learn more about myself. Even if this relationship does fail, I’ve had the opportunity to learn about how I communicate, what makes me happy, and how to continue a relationship with someone who isn’t physically with me. I’ve learned how to have a life separate from my life at school, and how to introduce friends at university to my boyfriend half a continent away. I’ve learned about who I am, what I need, and how to make sure that I care for other people no matter what.