This weekend, I decided to branch out from the usual and just have a low key weekend; I didn’t go to some of the socials, basically just lay low. Everything was going great, until I got the dreaded phone call: no one could locate one of my friends. There goes my stress-free, uneventful weekend. Calls had to be made, Uber’s ordered, etc. Now, many may be wondering, “If you weren’t even out with them, why are you the one who has to be in charge and find her?” Well, somehow, some way, I became the “mom” of the friend group.

There’s always one mom in every friend group. She’s the maker of soup when sick, the shoulder to cry on when life gets rough, your biggest cheerleader when everything goes right, yet still your friend so you can talk about a few more “touchy” or “inappropriate” subjects than you can with your actual mom. And all of that is fine and dandy. Anyone who becomes the Mom has always had more of a motherly, caring nature, so that part comes naturally to us and is all good. However, the Mom is also the caretaker of the drunken stupor the rest of the friends fall into every weekend. And that’s where things get dicey.

Listen, my friends are amazing. I love them to pieces and I honestly don’t know where I’d be without them. But, like any other human, they have their faults, one of them being getting plastered frequently. Like once or twice a weekend frequently. And, as their Mom, I’m the one who ends up taking care of them. Every. Weekend. It’s become a super frustrating, unenjoyable routine. When I go out with them, I have to babysit and watch like a hawk to make sure nothing goes wrong. Each week, I am prepared for the worst, but always hoping for the best. Usually we end up in the middle; no one is throwing up but they’re still pretty difficult. I know this sounds like it’s no fun, and believe me, it isn’t, but there is most definitely a silver lining that shines through the dark cloud that is being the Mom.

First benefit is easily the guilt your friend feels that follows after one of those horrible nights. She spoils you like CRAZY. She buys you food, maybe does your laundry, anything you want done is going to happen. However, that doesn’t last forever. Once they realize you’ll take care of them and love them despite their debaucheries, they start to lose the appreciation. So enjoy that while it lasts, fellow Mom’s. Next, I have such an increased appreciation for my (biological) mom. If I was half as difficult as my friends can get, she deserves an award. If I ever was as difficult as my friends, then mom, I AM SO SO SORRY. Being a mom is such hard work, and I am so appreciative now of everything she’s done. Another plus is I have become so much more responsible and put together. I mean, I have to be so I can take care of them. But it now translates to every part of my life, which is so great. The final benefit is my friends are easily the best form of birth control known to man. If that’s how difficult kids can be (minus the alcohol), I literally want no part of it until I am around 35, when hopefully I have more patience. Heck, I don’t even know if I want kids anymore. So no worries in that part of my life without a doubt.

Being the Mom is really hard work. It’s stressful, frustrating, and can really just plain suck at times. Despite all that, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Being there for my friends gives me so much fulfillment in my life. But you know, if they maybe needed less care-taking, I wouldn’t be opposed to that in the slightest. The ball is in your court, ladies.