Life is hard. I know there's this social stigma that says you should keep your hardships to yourself and pretend you're getting along just fine, but I think that's ridiculous. I'm admitting it — this year has gotten off to a rough start. Self-doubt is something I've had to deal with for a long time and it's starting to get worse. My classes are insane. I have class every day from at least 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. (some days they begin earlier and some days they end later), which equates to about 11 classes — and they're not easy. A lot of things haven't worked out in my favor and after time, disappointment wears on you. When one thing after another falls through, you start to question your abilities, your goals and most importantly, yourself. When things start to turn south, there's no option that sounds more appealing than giving up. After fighting to try and make everything work out, tucking your tail and going home sounds so simple.

That's exactly what I've done for so long. I resigned from my goals and all the things I wanted my college career to be. I became someone who stayed in their apartment and didn't see anyone unless they wanted to come over because the security and seclusion of being wrapped in my own surroundings was comforting. I fell out of many of the organizations I was involved in because I didn't want to be disappointed anymore. I pushed some of my closest friends away because there was no way they could want to spend time with, or even like, someone like me. I had given up on myself.

Although 2016 hasn't exactly treated me well, the past two weeks have led me to a fair amount of discovery. I had one particularly awful day in which I thought that I had wasted my college experience so far. That night, as I was sobbing in my bathroom, completely taken over by emotion, a flood of texts started coming to my phone. One of my friends had posted in his fraternity's page that I was really down on my luck and said that, if they wanted to, they should send me a text with some nice words. People I didn't think I had ever had much of an impact on sent me some of the most inspiring messages and warmed my heart so much. One of them reached out and asked if I wanted to go on a run to Sonic with him. I said yes, and while we were there, he pointed out all the things I should be proud of myself for - things that I had forgotten the magnitude of. I started to remember that I had done well for myself. That night and the few days following, I realized a few more things that inspired me to start picking myself back up and dusting myself off.

I learned that I naturally remember negativity more easily than I remember positivity.

Going back, I can pinpoint some of the most substantial moments that led to me having so many self-esteem issues. One time in the fifth grade, I was bullied by one girl because she found out that I thought her boyfriend was cute. She called me awful names and it escalated to the point where she spit in my hair on the bus ride home one day, and I just cried about it the entire rest of the ride. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't know that moment would put fear in me forever that people were always going to think I was some pathetic girl who was trying too hard for something that was completely out of reach.

With as much accuracy as I can recount that story with, I can't remember the times when I was being built up. I don't really remember the pep talks from over the years. Sometimes I can think back on a few different compliments I've received, but over all, the negativity in my life is usually what sticks with me. That's something that I have to remember because when I'm upset and all these awful words and events are swirling around in my head, I need to think back on what I'm capable of. It's hard because I always want to remind myself what I need to improve on, but sometimes, I need to be able to remember what makes me valuable.

I learned that friends are the family you can choose.

As much as I dearly love my family, they just don't get me. From childhood until now, I've always felt a pressure to be a tough little trooper and to not let anything affect me. I don't feel like I can go to them with the hard things. Luckily, I picked out a really solid group of friends that are basically like my brothers and sisters, and I'm fortunate enough to be able to run to them in my (many) times of need. They're there to hand deliver Panda Express and to cuddle with me when I cry. I could never have accomplished half the things I have without their support.

I learned how to forgive myself.

We mess up. It's a human thing to do and we do it well. I am too hard on myself. I'm a perfectionist, and I can't stand myself if I do anything less than best. Unfortunately, as a human, perfect is unattainable. I can try and push myself to be as close to that as possible, but sometimes it's just not going to happen.

I've recently learned that I need to let myself off the hook sometimes. Yes, I will probably always hold myself to an impossibly high standard, but I'm learning to become more lenient when it comes to deciding if I've done my best or not. I'm learning to be proud of myself for simply trying.

I learned what I need.

I know now that I'm a fairly clingy person in the sense that I need someone who's willing to feed me words of affirmation when I need it, honest opinions when I need those and someone who can tell the difference between the two. I learned that I need grace and forgiveness from those around me because I'm not used to having to take into account the fact that other people are relying on me. I learned that I need patience, because I can be a very decisive stubborn person. I learned that I need love, from both myself and those I'm surrounded by.

I learned who I am.

I'm a fighter. I have a fiery, loud, outgoing, passionate personality. I know what I want, and I go full fledge at it until it happens - until I get discouraged. During those times, I give up on myself, but I always pick myself up and charge ahead to make things happen. I learned that I am a stubborn, hard-headed go getter who doesn't like to take no for an answer. I've never been comfortable in a status quo. Many times, who I am sets me up for disaster. I think on completely different wavelengths than many people I meet, so my ideas don't always match up with people I work with.

None of these things are bad, they're just unique. They make me up. I'm an individual who gets discouraged, who has bad days and good ones, and who sometimes may or may not succeed.

Giving up on myself was one of the best things I could have done right now. If I wouldn't have given up and gone back to the drawing boards, I never would have taken the steps of improvement needed to take me farther in life than I was before. A little bit of giving up is healthy - as long as you're willing to believe in yourself again.