We learn a lot from our parents as we grow up. They show us how to ride a bike and they’re there to catch us when we fall. They are there to celebrate every birthday, graduation, and championship game. They teach us our manners, cleaning habits, and how to manage our relationships as we get older. As a child of divorce I have learned a lot about relationships and how they end. Children of divorce have a unique experience and outlook on life, each slightly different from the other, but ultimately we all understand the struggles that come with separated parents.
1. Two Homes, Two Lives
The first thing we learn is how to split your life in two. You have certain clothes that stay at mom’s house and ones that stay at dad’s. Nothing is worse than leaving the shirt you wanted to wear at the wrong house, and forget trying to lug all your shower stuff back and forth. We know the rules are different in each house and how to work around them. For me my dad was always stricter with us doing our chores, but at my mom’s house she would wash the dishes and do the laundry for me. You have to learn that your behavior and mindset at each house are different depending on the setting your in. It takes time to get used to and it’s almost like living to separate lives in each home. If one parent lives further away and you only see them on the weekends, you have to plan your social life around weekend trips. This can really suck when all your friends go to the mall and you are stuck three hours away with nothing to do and no friends to go out with.
2. Double the Christmas
The best part about divorced parents is two celebrations for every birthday and holiday. Christmas doesn’t just end because it’s December 26th, you have at least two Christmases (sometimes four if you get lucky) to attend and that means twice as many gifts usually spread out over the week. I love having two different birthday dinners because I never have to choose between my two favorite restaurants. It makes birthday turn into a dragged out experience into a complete birth-week. Two birthday cakes and two days all about you with your parents.
3. Independence
When you grow up with divorced parents you learn to become fiercely independent. You go from having two people watching over everything you do, picking you up from school, cooking dinner and doing laundry to only one. You suddenly become more responsible for yourself and managing your activities. I learned to cook dinner when my dad had to work late, and do my own laundry when my mom was out of town. This is one of the things that made it so easy for me to transition to college and living on my own.
4. College
Something that’s hard for parents to understand is that children of divorce need a chance to move out and away when they go to college. When you spend most of your life shuffling between houses, families, and rooms, a fresh start is what you crave. I never minded changing houses or doing the things that made our family function easily, but when it came to choosing a college I knew that I had to pick somewhere I could establish who I am away from my shuffled households.
5. Relationships
A huge thing that’s stuck out to me as I watched my parents divorce and then be there through their relationships that come after, is that relationships are hard work. In fact, sometimes they suck. Sometimes love is really hard and timing just isn’t right. I learned that sometimes you have to choose you and that’s okay. But I’ve also seen my parents have relationships that are amazing and the timing was right and everything worked. It showed me that relationships are hard, yes, but in the end if it’s right it can be amazing.
Be a child of divorce isn’t always easy and not all of your friends will always understand, but it makes you stronger as you grow up. Looking back I'm happy my parents choose what was best for them, and ultimately my sister and I when they got divorced.
