The top 10 worst things about having divorced parents.
I grew up with a pretty "cookie cutter" life. I had good parents, a good life, I was down-right spoiled. A few days before my 17th birthday I was introduced to the concept of divorce. My perfect little family was ripped apart in a matter of days and to be blunt, divorce is awful. According to today’s statistics almost 50 percent of marriages in America end in divorce—but of course some are easier than others. If this article doesn’t apply to your divorced parents, congratulations! This article is a list of the top 10 worst things about messy divorced parents.
1. They breed hate: Suddenly the two people who you looked up to most in the world, hate each other. Fighting that used to be secret is now out in the open and its filtered straight into you. Your parents think that you are their therapist. They forget you are just a child and you don’t need to know every detail.
2. Everything is a competition: When your parents first get divorced everything is a competition. “Look I got you this,” “Oh yeah? Well I got you TWO of these” While this sounds like a pretty good deal, it’s really just softening the blow of what is to come.
3. The anti-competition: After the competition stage wears off, comes the anti-competition stage. “Look I got you this” becomes “I got you this...so your other parent has to get you this.”
4. Money becomes, not just a big deal, but it becomes everything: Being young means you don’t have to worry about bills or money in general. Unless your parents are divorced. Then you’re involved in many financial decisions such as, who pays for your phone bill, who buys you your prom dress, who pays your insurance, who takes you to the dentist, who pays for your college. If you ask your parent, and they say "no," what do you do? Ask the other one? They say the exact same thing. So now it's decision time. Who do you go to for money?
5. Nothing is simple: I could elaborate on this for pages, so I’ll just tell a story for an example. I have a roommate whose parents are divorced and she can’t drive 30 minutes to one of her parents’ house to do laundry without fighting with the other parent for at least three days for not doing her laundry at their house…
6. Children are used as pawns: Divorced parents who don’t speak to each other are the worst. Literally their only means of communication are through children. What they don’t realize are the repercussions of those conversations. If parent number one says “Hey don’t forget to tell parent number two they need to pay for this,” it seems simple for them. But in reality that is a terrifying conversation for the kid because if you tell parent number two that parent number one said that, it goes back to point one and breeds hate.
7. Your parent’s friends choose sides: Growing up pre-divorce everyone was a big happy family. Your mom’s friends, dad’s friends, your friends, sibling’s friends. Everyone came over and everyone was happy. Post-divorce your parent’s friends pick sides—obviously. Even people who you thought were neutral suddenly hate one of your parents. The worst part? They think its fine to talk badly about the opposite parent in front of you. Last time I checked no one involved you in the divorce, so shut your mouth.
8. You’re forced to make judgements and pick sides about your own parents: Because so much negativity is filtered through you about each of your parents, you must learn to take a step back and decide what is real and what is exaggerated due to hate. Divorce causes so much arguing in general and it’s hard to argue with people you care about so much.
9. Everything you knew about love is lie: For most of my life I saw two people very much in love. I saw them dance in the kitchen, and hold hands on walks on the beach. Then in a flash that reality wilted away and resentment and hate bloomed in its place. Every relationship I enter into I have the deep rooted fear that they will decide 10, 15 or 20 years later that they don’t actually love me. They will walk out on me and the family we built and they won’t look back.
10. Every time you think about an old family memory or come across an old family picture, you heart breaks all over again: This one can speak for itself.
There are many reasons that divorce is inconvenient for everyone involved; the two house thing, the two holiday thing. But if I could pick anything that makes divorce the absolute worst, it would be that parents need to remember when they talk shit about the other parent, your child is 50 percent of their DNA. So you’re saying negative things about 50 percent of your child too.
