The human brain works in ways that no one person can even begin to attempt to understand. It works in various ways, and sometimes in life you will come into contact with people who have such severe psychological problems in their heads, that it legitimately affects those around that person; especially if you are in love with an emotionally unavailable, emotionally unstable, human being.
Phase 1: The honeymoon stage
Both parties are lovestruck. Everything is perfect: the girl believes she's never met any guy like him and the guy vows to never, ever hurt her.
Phase 2: The middle stage
You begin to disagree, argue and let certain things one or the other do affect you in a negative way. But, you let things go, because you find the strength to try to make it work.
Phase 3: The final stage
You’re sitting in your room, all alone, crying over the person who vowed to never ever hurt you. The one you thought cared… but they didn't... and now you are 110% destroyed. You wish you didn’t care, you wish you didn't give a damn, but at some point, they so passionately convinced you that you should fall in love with them. Then one day, you actually did.
You physically cant process what is going on, or let it go. That person became your life: your every waking moment, your every problem, your every dream, and everything you ever thought you wanted...
But they're not.
This person is toxic, poisonous, infected and so deeply troubled. All the while, you don't identify them this way. Instead, you see an opportunity. You recognize the fact that people can’t be fixed, but you view it as your responsibility to take care of them. You want to be there for them and never let them go a day feeling un-loved or not cared about.
Plot twist:
Your life is falling through the cracks and here’s why: when you overly care about someone with such emotion, depth and meaning, you try to build their life up and make sure they are okay. But you are not okay in any way possible. You don’t realize your change in appetite, or that you're constantly getting sick, mentally and physically. You don’t realize that you are crying yourself to sleep every god damn night, waking up with the same tears in your eyes, resting there like it’s their home.
Basically, you lost yourself trying to fix them.
Something could go wrong in their life that has nothing to do with you, yet they choose to take it out on you because they know you’ll take it. You take the moments where you can see the anger in their eyes, the depth in their voice and the heat burning around them like a ring of fire. On the other hand, when you are having a bad day or going through a hardship, you don’t dare go to them. They couldn’t care less. In addition to that, when they get upset with you for something they feel you did wrong, you apologize without another thought. But when you don’t even get upset, but simply express that you were hurt over something they did, guess what... you’re still the one who ends up apologizing. Once again, you’re going back to your room at night, all alone, prepared to cry yourself to sleep yet another time.
You put a smile on your face and act like everything is okay, because you don’t want to lose them… well news flash: They should be scared of losing you. Here’s a person you’ve gone your whole life without, and now all of the sudden you cannot picture your life without them. Here’s a person who you weren’t only romantically involved with, but at the same time were best friends with. All of the laughs, all of the tears, good and bad, all of the late nights and everything in between were wasted...down the toilet...never to be seen again. Everything has simply vanished, like smoke going up in the air. You walk past each other- strangers. You physically have a difficult time remembering who they are. Your memories together are at times so clear, but other times they are like a complete and utter figment of your imagination.
So, here’s the thing about staying in a toxic relationship: Don’t.
Naturally, women are chemically wired differently than men. Women put love first and fight for it, even when there’s simply no fight left. Even when they know the relationship is toxic, it won’t last forever and after a while getting your heart broken get’s old. It gets tiring and why put up with someone who doesn’t deserve to be put up with? So save yourself. Save your energy. The second you see a red flag appear in a relationship, recognize it and believe it. Don’t waste your time trying to make it disappear, because odds are it won’t. It never will and you cant make it. Therefore, instead of staying in the toxic relationship, get the hell out. If you don’t, I can almost guarantee you a toxic life for yourself.
Concluding with a quote from Daniell Koepke, an Undergraduate Psychology student, striving for a degree in clinical counseling:
“Not all toxic people are cruel and un-caring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic due to our being, simply because their needs and way of existing in the world, force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they weren't the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful- you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.”
Believe me when I say I know how hard it is and that it’s easier said than done. Most things in life are, but take care of yourself before anything or anyone else. Chances are, there’s no one else to do it for you, especially not the person you thought.