What I Learned From My Toxic Ex
Start writing a post
Relationships

What I Learned From My Toxic Ex

News flash: He should be scared of losing you

318
What I Learned From My Toxic Ex
Hypeink

The human brain works in ways that no one person can even begin to attempt to understand. It works in various ways, and sometimes in life you will come into contact with people who have such severe psychological problems in their heads, that it legitimately affects those around that person; especially if you are in love with an emotionally unavailable, emotionally unstable, human being.

Phase 1: The honeymoon stage

Both parties are lovestruck. Everything is perfect: the girl believes she's never met any guy like him and the guy vows to never, ever hurt her.

Phase 2: The middle stage

You begin to disagree, argue and let certain things one or the other do affect you in a negative way. But, you let things go, because you find the strength to try to make it work.

Phase 3: The final stage

You’re sitting in your room, all alone, crying over the person who vowed to never ever hurt you. The one you thought cared… but they didn't... and now you are 110% destroyed. You wish you didn’t care, you wish you didn't give a damn, but at some point, they so passionately convinced you that you should fall in love with them. Then one day, you actually did.

You physically cant process what is going on, or let it go. That person became your life: your every waking moment, your every problem, your every dream, and everything you ever thought you wanted...

But they're not.

This person is toxic, poisonous, infected and so deeply troubled. All the while, you don't identify them this way. Instead, you see an opportunity. You recognize the fact that people can’t be fixed, but you view it as your responsibility to take care of them. You want to be there for them and never let them go a day feeling un-loved or not cared about.

Plot twist:

Your life is falling through the cracks and here’s why: when you overly care about someone with such emotion, depth and meaning, you try to build their life up and make sure they are okay. But you are not okay in any way possible. You don’t realize your change in appetite, or that you're constantly getting sick, mentally and physically. You don’t realize that you are crying yourself to sleep every god damn night, waking up with the same tears in your eyes, resting there like it’s their home.

Basically, you lost yourself trying to fix them.

Something could go wrong in their life that has nothing to do with you, yet they choose to take it out on you because they know you’ll take it. You take the moments where you can see the anger in their eyes, the depth in their voice and the heat burning around them like a ring of fire. On the other hand, when you are having a bad day or going through a hardship, you don’t dare go to them. They couldn’t care less. In addition to that, when they get upset with you for something they feel you did wrong, you apologize without another thought. But when you don’t even get upset, but simply express that you were hurt over something they did, guess what... you’re still the one who ends up apologizing. Once again, you’re going back to your room at night, all alone, prepared to cry yourself to sleep yet another time.

You put a smile on your face and act like everything is okay, because you don’t want to lose them… well news flash: They should be scared of losing you. Here’s a person you’ve gone your whole life without, and now all of the sudden you cannot picture your life without them. Here’s a person who you weren’t only romantically involved with, but at the same time were best friends with. All of the laughs, all of the tears, good and bad, all of the late nights and everything in between were wasted...down the toilet...never to be seen again. Everything has simply vanished, like smoke going up in the air. You walk past each other- strangers. You physically have a difficult time remembering who they are. Your memories together are at times so clear, but other times they are like a complete and utter figment of your imagination.

So, here’s the thing about staying in a toxic relationship: Don’t.

Naturally, women are chemically wired differently than men. Women put love first and fight for it, even when there’s simply no fight left. Even when they know the relationship is toxic, it won’t last forever and after a while getting your heart broken get’s old. It gets tiring and why put up with someone who doesn’t deserve to be put up with? So save yourself. Save your energy. The second you see a red flag appear in a relationship, recognize it and believe it. Don’t waste your time trying to make it disappear, because odds are it won’t. It never will and you cant make it. Therefore, instead of staying in the toxic relationship, get the hell out. If you don’t, I can almost guarantee you a toxic life for yourself.

Concluding with a quote from Daniell Koepke, an Undergraduate Psychology student, striving for a degree in clinical counseling:

“Not all toxic people are cruel and un-caring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic due to our being, simply because their needs and way of existing in the world, force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they weren't the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful- you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.”

Believe me when I say I know how hard it is and that it’s easier said than done. Most things in life are, but take care of yourself before anything or anyone else. Chances are, there’s no one else to do it for you, especially not the person you thought.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

59074
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

38151
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

959638
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

196587
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments