To all the friends I have lost for various reasons… thank you.
Your constant judgement and negative remarks made me much stronger than I used to be. Your love for gossip and knowing the latest drama was exhausting and a huge burden. Your obsession with appearance hurt me in so many ways.
Although I could ramble on about all the things you did that angered me or hurt me, I would like to thank you.
If it wasn’t for you and all of your judgement and bad obsessions, I wouldn’t be in the place I am today. You taught me a lot about myself, believe it or not. I have learned from your judgement that I do not care what other people, including you, think of me. I saw first hand that negative remarks regarding another individual stem from jealousy or insecurity, whether you want to admit it or not.
You would look at another human and judge them from head to toe in a matter of seconds. Meanwhile I would be looking at you and could see the pain in your eyes. How you just wish you looked like her, or dressed like her.
I never quite understood your love for drama and gossip. You were that girl who would try to make it apparent that you hate drama and want to avoid it at all costs, but somehow it always found its way back to you. You were the one that spread rumors and twisted them into the most embarrassing or outrageous stories you could think of.
You lived for embarrassing others because you were insecure from when rumors used to be spread about you. Instead of becoming a better person, it turned you into a monster, and from what I can tell, you still haven’t changed. It’s okay to be hurt by these things, and if you would just admit that you were hurt, maybe you wouldn’t find a need to do it to others.
Your obsession with appearance is what hurt me the most. Your constant comments about your own appearance as well as how disgusting that girl across the room looks will be stuck in my head forever. You were hyper-focused on others looks so you wouldn’t have to focus on your own.
Little do you know what that did to me, your best friend, over time. It made me struggle with an eating disorder and during treatment I was able to discuss with my peers how you made me feel and that’s why I forgive you.
It's okay to be insecure with your appearance. If you address that you are insecure and want to make changes it makes things easier. You always had a hard time admitting things and that’s what got you into this never ending cycle of negativity.
Today I sit here as someone who used to be your best friend and I just hope that one day, maybe soon, you will change. I know you are a nice person with a kind heart, but you have a wall built around it. You need to learn how to address things that hurt you, including your own thoughts.
You have taught me a lot about myself and I have learned from you.
Maybe one day when you let down your wall, you will be able to learn a thing or two from yourself.
